Click to Skip Ad
Closing in...
Indiewire logo
The Art of the Short Film: 'Kept Man' The Art of the Short Film: 'Kept Man' First Look: James Franco and Zachary Quinto as Boyfriends In Gus Van Sant-Produced 'Michael' First Look: James Franco and Zachary Quinto as Boyfriends In Gus Van Sant-Produced 'Michael' The 10 Best Tina Belcher Moments On 'Bob's Burgers' The 10 Best Tina Belcher Moments On 'Bob's Burgers' EXCLUSIVE: Jessica Chastain Joins Xavier Dolan's English Language Debut 'John F. Donovan' EXCLUSIVE: Jessica Chastain Joins Xavier Dolan's English Language Debut 'John F. Donovan' Let These Wise Words Meryl Streep Lives By Usher You Into September Let These Wise Words Meryl Streep Lives By Usher You Into September The 5 Best Gay and Lesbian Romantic Comedies On Netflix The 5 Best Gay and Lesbian Romantic Comedies On Netflix Why 'The 10 Year Plan' Is One Movie You Should NOT See at Outfest Why 'The 10 Year Plan' Is One Movie You Should NOT See at Outfest Reader's Poll: The 25 Most Important LGBT Television Series Reader's Poll: The 25 Most Important LGBT Television Series Debbie Reynolds: 'Everyone I dated was gay. Except for Robert Wagner' Debbie Reynolds: 'Everyone I dated was gay. Except for Robert Wagner' Amber Heard and Johnny Depp Are Officially Engaged But We Need To Talk About Bisexuality Amber Heard and Johnny Depp Are Officially Engaged But We Need To Talk About Bisexuality Read Sally Field's Impassioned Open Letter About Her Gay Son Read Sally Field's Impassioned Open Letter About Her Gay Son Watch: Travis Mathews' Sexy, Very NSFW Doc 'In Their Room: Berlin' Is Now Streaming Online Watch: Travis Mathews' Sexy, Very NSFW Doc 'In Their Room: Berlin' Is Now Streaming Online Must Watch: Kate McKinnon Gets Naked For Lena Dunham in SNL Promo Must Watch: Kate McKinnon Gets Naked For Lena Dunham in SNL Promo Why Sexy Gay Love Story 'Free Fall' Is Not Just a German 'Brokeback Mountain' Why Sexy Gay Love Story 'Free Fall' Is Not Just a German 'Brokeback Mountain' Watch a Teenage Boy Find a Stack of Gay Porn In Adam Baran's Adorable Short Film 'Jackpot' Watch a Teenage Boy Find a Stack of Gay Porn In Adam Baran's Adorable Short Film 'Jackpot' Ranking the House Down:
 The Queens of RuPaul’s Drag Race, from Worst to Best (Part Six: The Top 10!) Ranking the House Down:
 The Queens of RuPaul’s Drag Race, from Worst to Best (Part Six: The Top 10!) Ranking the House Down:
 The Queens of RuPaul’s Drag Race, from Worst to Best (Part Five) Ranking the House Down:
 The Queens of RuPaul’s Drag Race, from Worst to Best (Part Five) 10 Trans Actors Who Could Have Played Jared Leto's Role in 'Dallas Buyers Club' 10 Trans Actors Who Could Have Played Jared Leto's Role in 'Dallas Buyers Club' Ranking the House Down:
 The Queens of RuPaul’s Drag Race, from Worst to Best (Part Two) Ranking the House Down:
 The Queens of RuPaul’s Drag Race, from Worst to Best (Part Two) Ranking the House Down:
 The Queens of RuPaul’s Drag Race, from Worst to Best (Part One) Ranking the House Down:
 The Queens of RuPaul’s Drag Race, from Worst to Best (Part One)

Live Bitching The Oscars

By /bent | /Bent March 2, 2014 at 8:07PM

The /bent team -- Peter Knegt, Sophie Smith, Matthew Hammett Knott, Oliver Skinner and Gregory Rosebrugh -- will be collectively bitching about the Oscars for the next 3 or 4 hours for your potential entertainment. We apologize in advance for what results, especially during the increasingly drunken final act of the show.
0
Oscars

The /bent team -- Peter Knegt, Alice Lytton, Oliver Skinner and Gregory Rosebrugh -- will be collectively bitching about the Oscars for the next 3 or 4 hours for your potential entertainment. We apologize in advance for what results, especially during the increasingly drunken final act of the show. 

5:30pm - Let's get this started. 

5:31pm - Ellen dressed like U2. [GR]

5:34pm - 4 minutes in, and the best Ellen can offer is a joke about June Squibb being old? [PK]

5:36pm - John Travolta is really travolting right now. [GR]

5:37pm - Ellen looking/sounding rad sharp. "One of the nominees is "Her". And by "Her" I mean Meryl Streep". (Also looking rad sharp.) [AL]

5:39pm - Laura Dern is here! Let's give her all the awards! [GR]

5:42pm - "Possibility #1: '12 Years a Slave' wins best picture; Possibility #2: You're all racists. Now please welcome, our first white presenter." - Ellen ends things off on a very high note. [PK]

5:42pm - There must have been serious deliberation about that 12 Years joke. Hilarious! [GR]

5:43pm - Anne Hathaway is about to give an award to Jared Leto. At least we'll get two horrible things over with. [PK]

5:44pm - And we're correct: Jared Leto, Dallas Buyers Club - Best Supporting Actor. 

5:46pm - 30 Seconds to Mars was just mentioned. SHUT IT DOWN. [GR]

5:47pm - For all the people hating on our own Matthew Knott for suggesting some trans actors for Jared Leto's role this speech is a great reason for thinking again: Laverne Cox makes her speeches about the trans community she represents, Jared Leto thinks he represents everyone but (but hi Ukraine!) [AL]

5:49pm - How I feel about Jared Leto's win [OS]

Jared Leto

5:53pm - The most cringe-worthy text anyone got from their Mom tonight: "Wow, that was pretty cool. Jared Leto is super attractive." [OS]

5:54pm - Hey Pharrell, Jamiroquai wants his hat, moves, and music back. [GR]

5:54pm - Kerry Washington introduces Pharrell's Hat. Which seems to be the only happy thing in that outfit. [AL]

5:57pm - Wow, the Academy still allowed Naomi Watts to present after "Diana"? [PK]

5:59pm - Best Costume Design - The Great Gatsby

6:00pm - Worthy win - The Great Gatsby's costumes were obviously the glammiest. [AL}

6:01pm - Best Makeup & Hairstyling - Dallas Buyers Club

6:03pm - "Victims of AIDS--" Problematic! [GR]

6:03pm - You stole my line, GR [PK]

6:04pm - "transform and torture". Yup that's what it is to turn a pretty Hollywood boy into a pretty trans woman. Sheesh. Another Dallas Buyers award speech fail for me.  [AL]

6:06pm - Channing Tatum is the biggest power-bottom in Hollywood. [OS]

6:10pm - Kim Novak is here. Remember, The Artist 'raped' Vertigo. [GR]

6:13pm - The night's first surprise. Or kind of surprise. Best Animated Short - Mr. Hublot

6:14pm - I've nothing against Mr Hublot but French accents only remind me that Adele Exarchopolous wasn't nominated for "Blue is the Warmest Colour" [AL]

6:16pm - "Are you ready?" Magical Novak delivery as we find out something we were wholly expecting: Best Animated Feature - Frozen

6:18pm - Harvey Milk, Abraham Lincoln, the mom from 'The Blind Slide'? #heros [PK]

6:19pm - Are President Lincoln and Muhammad Ali 'ordinary' heroes? [GR]

6:20pm - Have I really heard "The Lone Ranger" said out loud twice in that hallowed hall? Yes, yes I have. [AL]

6:20pm - Do they even have to announce the nominees for best visual effects? [PK]

6:22pm - Nope, the didn't. Best Visual Effects - Gravity.

6:24pm - Karen O! Finally, a moment we've been waiting for. [PK]

6:25pm - "Is this song from 'Gravity'?" A very drunk person at the party I'm at assuming thats what the moon means. [PK]

6:30pm - Stop letting Kate Hudson think she's still famous, Academy! [PK]

6:31pm - Best Live Action Short - Helium

6:33pm - I feel like I'm cheating on Ellen the little glee I get watching Tina Fey in this commercial. Sorry not sorry. {AL]

6:34pm - Short Film Categories: AKA everyone who entered an Oscar pool's least favourite category. [OS]

6:34pm - Best Documentary Short - The Lady In Number 6

6:37pm - Best Documentary Feature - Twenty Feet From Stardom. Oh, populism.

6:38pm - Wow. That was unexpected for me. I really thought "The Act of Killing" was too good to lose.  [AL]

6:39pm - Alright, it was worth it for this. [PK]

6:40pm - Darlene Love just won everything. Let's go home. Also, I think Bill Murray is stoned. [GR]

6:41pm - For those counting at home, there's been two standing Os: Pharrell and Darlene Love [PK]

6:42pm - Remember when Angelina loved her brother? She's come a long way. [GR]

6:43pm - Bring back the honorary Oscars. Those speeches in their entirety were more entertaining than anything on this telecast so far. [PK]

6:45pm - Best Foreign Language Film - The Great Beauty. Keep these surprises coming, Academy ;)

6:52pm - Okay we're over an hour in and "Dallas Buyers Club" still has the most Oscars. Start winning those tech categories, "Gravity"! [PK]

6:57pm - Bono, just wear normal fucking glasses for once! Stop this nonsense!  [GR]

6:57pm - Thank you, U2, for allowing me to go chain smoke in the stairwell for 5 minutes. [PK]

6:58pm - *SMOKE BREAK* [OS]

6:59pm - Is there a band I hate more than U2 these days? This is a smug display. I'm going to the john.  Also, Oscar wing mate offers this line: "Bono: The Desolation of Smug". [GR]

7:02pm - Ellen changed! And she's taking selfies with Liza! And now Meryl! Does this make Meryl gay by association? Let's say yes! [AL]

7:03pm - Alright, Ellen this is great. #Oscarselfie

7:04pm - Ellen Degeneres crashed twitter [OS]:

Oscar Selfie

7:06pm - I get chills whenever I see Michael B. Jordan. It's Wallace from The Wire!  [GR]

7:10pm - Best Sound Mixing - Gravity

7:11pm - Here comes the 40 minutes of the ceremony where everyone thanks Alfonso Cuaron. [PK}

7:11pm - Best Sound Editing - Gravity

7:12pm - Moment of truth. #TeamLupita

7:14pm - These supporting actress clips are PERFECT. [PK] 

7:18pm - Best Supporting Actress - LUPITA!!!

7:19pm - Lupita won! Liza hugged Lupita! Everything will be fine! [GR]

7:19pm - Lupita may be the win of the night [OS}

7:19pm - Correction: Lupita is the fucking win of the night [OS]

Lupita


7:20pm - Yo Jared! This is how to give a speech! [AL]

7:21pm - It seems Lupita also crashed Twitter. [PK]

7:23pm - Is Siri in charge of the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences? [AL]

7:26pm - Best Cinematography - Gravity.

7:29pm - That man shot "Reality Bites" [PK]

7:32pm - Best Film Editing - GRAVITY.

7:32pm- That time Alfonso said nothing for winning best editor, and we all agreed that he should hold his speech for later. [GR]

7:33pm - Ontario Boy, 19, Dies From "Pot Brownie" Overdose At Toronto Oscar Party [OS]

7:33pm - RIP Oliver [PK]

7:34pm - Hey, remember when Whoopi dressed as Brian Slade from Velvet Goldmine? That was real! [GR]

7:35pm - Liza, The Wizard of Oz, Pink, a Judy Garland Tribute?? This is as gay as it gets, folks. [PK]

7:36pm - Pink looks like a corpuscle in that dress. [AL]

7:37pm - "Somewhere over the Rainbow" just joined the word "genius" in demanding compensation from the Academy. [AL]

7:41pm - Meanwhile, in the commercial break iPad abuses Walt Whitman. [AL]

7:43pm - 7:46pm - Fun Fact: My best friend and I walked out of American Hustle 15 minutes before it ended just to get to the liquor store before it closed. [OS]

7:43pm - Benedict Cumberbatch is here. I need a towel. [GR]

7:44pm - Best Production Design - The Great Gatsby.

7:46pm - 2 wins for a Baz Lurmann movie. Yes, gay middle agers run this shit. [GR]

7:47pm - Baz's beard has a lot of Oscars. [PK]

7:48pm - "Ladies and Gentlemen, the talented Chris Evans." Best line of the night. [GR]

7:49pm - Oh great, another heroes montage. [PK}

7:49pm - How the shit did Footloose get into that montage? [GR]

7:50pm - Well this whole segment on "inspiring heroes" is a bit of a cock-fest, huh? [AL]

7:54pm - RIP. Seriously, this was a sad year.

7:55pm - BARONESS SCHRADER DIED?! Where the fuck was I?! [GR]

7:58pm - Oh, come on. Bette singing this is somehow the most predictable thing the Academy has ever done. [PK]

7:59pm - Bette Midler is owning this shit. [GR]

8:01pm - Bette Midler is the new Dos Equis man. "I don't always attend this awards show, but when I do I KILL THIS SHIT." [GR]

8:03pm - Holdy Gone is my new drag name [PK]

8:06pm - "There'll always be a special place in my heart for movie musicals" - John Travolta, continuing to somehow make the world think he's straight. [PK]

8:08pm - This is travolting. [GR]

8:11pm - They haven't announced an award in almost half an hour. Let it go, Oscars. [PK]

8:12pm - PK, I know you would've skipped out on Idina's performance to share a cigarette with me #RealFriendsStickTogether [OS]

8:12pm - OS, I'd be there. [PK]

8:13pm - Jamie Foxx, it isn't cute. Sit your ass down and think about what you've done. [GR]

8:15pm - Best Original Score - Gravity

8:17pm - I wanted that to go to "Her" so bad. [PK]

8:18pm - Stop giving Bono attention. You're encouraging him! Look, he changed his eyewear! See what you did!! [GR]

8:18pm - Best Original Song - "Let It Go" 

8:19pm - This show keeps out gaying itself. [PK]

8:21pm - If I was kind I'd stay quiet about that Best Original Song speech but oh my the CRINGE [AL]

8:24pm - OMG PLEASE BEFORE MIDNIGHT. [PK]

8:25pm - Best Adapted Screenplay - "12 Years a Slave." 

8:28pm - Best Original Screenplay - "HER"!!!! There is justice in the Oscar world.

8:29pm - Is American Hustle going home empty handed?! Who cares, SPIKE WON! [GR]

8:32pm - I just got back from the can--who won best fluffer? [GR]

8:34pm - When did Angelina become good at award shows? This is dignity right here, and it's surprisingly palatable! [GR]

8:35pm - Best Director - Alfonso Cuarón!

8:36pm - 16 year old horny me is crying for Alfonso's win. The guy who made Y Tu Mama Tambien just won best director! [GR]

8:40pm - Best Actress - Cate Blanchett

8:41pm - HELL YEAH CATE! [OS]

8:42pm - "As random and subjective as this award is..." - Cate Blanchett, the queen of everything. [PK]

8:43pm - Let's give Cate another award for best speech.  [GR]

8:43pm - That speech! That sentiment! Care Blanchett is my new Meryl! [AL]

8:47pm - Still waiting on Jack Dawson to win his well-deserved Oscar.

8:49pm - Best Actor - Matthew McConaughey

8:51pm - First 'thank you' to God all night?! [GR]

8:52pm - God. [PK]

8:54pm - I want some of whatever Matthew is on. {AL]

8:57pm - Will someone yank True Detective off the stage? This is almost Bono smug. [GR]

8:57pm - Matthew "now I have an Oscar I'm a story-teller" McConaughey gives the most solipsistic speech ever. [AL]

9:00pm - BEST PICTURE....... 12 Years a Slave!

9:01pm - We're not racist! [GR]

9:04pm - Bye bye bye:

CAGE