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Ranking the House Down:
 The Queens of RuPaul’s Drag Race, from Worst to Best (Part Six: The Top 10!)

Television
by Gregory Rosebrugh
February 24, 2014 11:56 AM
20 Comments
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4. Alaska Thunderfuck 5000 (Season 5, 2nd runner-up)

HIIIEEEE! I’m already gearing up for second season of All Stars, and I’m bidding all my chips on this queen. Now, everything I said about Jinkx withstands: she was fierce competitor, and there is a sense of finality about how she took home the crown in season five. It’s just too bad that the Jinkx narrative has consumed everyone’s memory of season five, because throughout the whole competition there was Alaska taking as many risks, hitting as many highs, and making us piss ourselves just as much. Alaska is the Raven of season five. She’s the Manila. She’s the Tammie/Ongina/Nina. We can live with the final winner (well, actually, many of us are still trying to cope with Tyra’s win), but she wasn’t our favourite. 

Alaska’s best moments in the competition are too many: the garbage bag couture; “Lil  Pound Cake, a straight up motherfuckin’ dick pig”; her lipstick-stained teeth in the makeover mini-challenge; her impersonation of Lady Bunny (“All I wrote was ANUS!”); her roast of Rupaul (actually better than Coco Montrese, by the by); her “Scent of a Drag Queen” video (“Are you read-y for me?”); her puppet of Roxxxy Andrews (“Where my people at?!”); and of course, her win of the Sugar Ball. Alaska’s former partner Sharon Needles described perfectly why Alaska was the best of the top three in season five: to paraphrase, she had to her credit both the eleganza extravaganza of Roxxxy Andrews and the high camp of Jinkx Monsoon. This is what makes Alaska not only a legendary queen, but one of the MOST legendary queens on Rupaul’s Drag Race: she can do pretty, she can do goofy, and when appropriate she can do ugly. She is a jack of all trades, and a master of most of them.

Alaska’s best moments aren’t exclusive to her performances in the mini and main challenges. She is also an outstanding cast commentator. For Goddess sake, she should be a sports anchor, because so many of the best lines in season five were from Alaska’s addresses to the audience. Her quotes have become so viral, and so entrenched in our memories, that I can still recall last summer other Drag Race fans and I collecting on patios to duel over our best Alaska impersonations. 

Best line: 


Okay, here’s one more: 

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20 Comments

  • Storm131 | August 14, 2014 9:45 PMReply

    I agree with some of your choices but Willam in the top 10? I just don't see the appeal. He looks more like a guy in drag than out of it and is nowhere near as funny as he thinks he is. As for his sense of style, don't get me started. I can't stand any of the drag queens who like to wear skimpy outfits yet don't see in the mirror that bra and panties on a manly body look wrong wrong wrong.

  • Jay | June 18, 2014 3:46 PMReply

    I LOVE Detox - Thedragstore dot com sells her autographed posters!!!

  • Aaron | May 30, 2014 9:40 PMReply

    Lmao raven got 2nd place AGAIN

  • TY | May 31, 2014 1:32 AM

    LMAO! I didn't even notice.

    (I also gave her the runner-up spot)

  • Ty | May 27, 2014 10:17 PMReply

    My List:

    #1 Sharon Needles (All stars 2...please!!!)
    #2 Raven (Should have won All-Stars and Season 2)
    #3 Manilla Luzon
    #4 Alyssa Edwards
    #5 Raja
    #6 Jinxx Monsoon
    #7 Alaska
    #8 Latrice Royale
    #9 Nina Flowers
    # 10 Willam

    Adding season 6:
    - Bianca Del Rio places #2 (it's hard to choose between her and Sharon!)
    - Willam knocked out of top ten :(

    Other:
    - So...why is Detox in the top 10?
    - Roxxxy? Top 20? lmao
    - I like Jujubee and Chad, but I'd place them in the 11-20 range.

  • SB | May 24, 2014 5:45 AMReply

    Your clearly an idiot for placing roxxy andrews in the top 20.

  • Stephen | May 21, 2014 1:06 AMReply

    So, tell me... Where does Bianca Del Rio fall on your list?? How closely does she come to shaking Sharon Needles off that throne??

    (I'm curious where on this list you'd insert all of season six's queens?? Please, oh please, an addendum?!?)

  • Glenn | April 7, 2014 3:35 PMReply

    I love Raven so much she is my fav of the six season!!!

  • Johnny | March 5, 2014 12:17 PMReply

    I dig the list but you're missing Nina Flowers, Tammie Brown and Raja! Three of the greatest!

  • Abby | March 4, 2014 9:33 PMReply

    GREAT list - as a Drag Race obsessive, I can't believe how much I agree with your assessment. Yes Dida served the BEST LIP SYNC IN DRAG RACE HERSTORY. Yes Phi Phi ruined the duet with Sharon. Yes Sharon is the best queen to have graced the show. I could go on. (End note: Can we now say that Magnolia Crawford is the worst queen in six seasons?)

  • Megs | March 3, 2014 8:20 AMReply

    I get you re: Detox. I thought the judges just read attitude from her and while sometimes that was true, I think she was engaging with what they were saying - she just didn't always agree, but she had the insight to see where they were coming from. It wasn't just attitude for attitude's sake, like our newbie LaGanja.

  • gato | February 26, 2014 9:02 PMReply

    OOPS meant **could READ your writing all day

  • gato | February 26, 2014 9:01 PMReply

    I could your writing about Drag Race ALL DAY. Don't agree with everything, but LOVED these articles. GREAT WORK

  • Raven | February 25, 2014 6:38 PMReply

    RUNNER UP AGAIN?! HA HA HA! Just kidding! Thank you love, I was following this article the entire time. Not only did you rank, you also have good reason as to why you ranked and where. I truly do appreciate your kind words! XOXO

  • Mikhael | February 25, 2014 8:02 AMReply

    Great list (although I missed Pandora Boxx in the top 10). As a correction, Latrice's infamous line is "Get those nuts away from my face" complete with Abby Lee head-shaking sass.

  • Dominique | February 24, 2014 11:28 PMReply

    No Raja?! No Alyssa Edwards?? No Carmen Carrera?? No Shannel from Season One??!!! This is a sham, everyone walk away slowly...........#smokingonthatgood #theymustbe #fromourbitchpleasedesk

  • Tom | February 24, 2014 8:57 PMReply

    Awesome top 10! So excited for the new series, just not sure how I'm going to watch it out here in Australia...

  • Julio | February 24, 2014 8:43 PMReply

    So a top ten list without Nina Flowers??.....

  • Storm131 | August 14, 2014 9:48 PM

    I like Nina but the truth is she isn't versatile enough to be in the top 10.

  • Paul | February 24, 2014 6:18 PMReply

    Having just watched sesion 5 afain I have to say I am so glad that Jinx was the winner.
    Roxie and Detox are 2 bitter qyeens that were nothing but ignorant all through the show. Detox os uglu, Roxie may be pretty once in awhile.l but her persoanlity ruins it..

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