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Barbed Wire: 'Lockout'

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by Matt Singer
April 13, 2012 4:34 PM
2 Comments
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"Lockout."
"Lockout."

Barbed Wire is the place where Criticwire celebrates the art of the pan.  Here's where you'll find the roughest, toughest, funniest reviews, with easy access links to both article and author so you can follow more of their work. 

Here is a movie with many names.  Its working title was "Lock-Out." It was later announced as "MS One: Maximum Security." It's getting released, sans hyphen, as "Lockout." Before that it was known by an assortment of other titles  -- "Escape From New York," "Escape from LA," "Demolition Man" -- all of which "Lockout" apparently borrows from (or homages, as the French would say, and no doubt did in this case, since French producer Luc Besson masterminded the project). It is, in other words, a knock off.  Not the "Knock Off," of course. Jean-Claude Van Damme already claimed that title back in the '90s.

Whatever you want to call it, two things are clear: the vast majority of critics aren't enjoying this story of a man (Pearce) sent to a jail in outer space (Space Jail!) to rescue the President's daughter (Maggie Grace), and their comments about what a low-rent, derivative, shameless B-movie it is only make me want to see it more.  Especially the ones about skydiving from space.  Spacediving!  From Space Jail!

Here's ten great lines from ten less-than-stellar "Lockout" reviews.

Todd Brown, Twitch:

"It must be said that French uber-producer Luc Besson's 'original idea' credit for sci-fi action picture 'Lockout' is something of a misnomer given that there isn't an original idea to be found anywhere in the film."

Rick Groen, Toronto Globe and Mail:

"It does a splendid job of putting the pale into imitation and draining the life out of derivative."

Rafer Guzman, Newsday:

"Would you believe that in 2079, cops still show up to interrogation rooms holding paper cups of coffee?"

Jordan Hoffman, ScreenCrush:

"I’m not sure that putting a maximum security prison in orbit would be the best use of tax dollars."

Michael Phillips, Chicago Tribune:

"The climactic space jump ending in a drab section of urban freeway somewhere in Serbia is so spatially and rhythmically off, it's as if the 'Mystery Science Theater 3000' guys paid Besson to shoot the sequence that way for heckling purposes."

Bill Goodykoontz, Arizona Republic:

"You can skydive from a space station!"

Chris Hewitt, St. Paul Pioneer Press:

"Underqualified actors, chintzy effects and undistinguished talent behind the scenes all point to budgetary issues and, indeed, every expense appears to have been spared on 'Lockout.'"

Bill Gibron, FilmCritic.com:

"Flawed fast food, the cinematic equivalent of a bacon-wrapped taco loaded with pink slime meat byproduct and corn syrup."

Emma Rose Johnson, Blast Magazine:

"To be bored in a movie that includes a line like 'The International Space Station didn’t crash into the prison! The prison crashed into the International Space Station!' is simply unforgivable."

Kyle Smith, New York Post:

"The chemically induced coma with which the bad guys threaten to punish our hero sounds more interesting than anything in this movie."

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2 Comments

  • Mo | April 17, 2012 4:25 PMReply

    What a horrible movie. What bad tough CIA operative says "ew yuck"? How in 2079 does one need to be told to lose his phone because he is being tracked by it? The humor was so forced...the banter between Snow and Emilie was annoyingly forced....the self appointed bad guy?? He's a question mark all on his own...I did however like the nut job brother...he was the only one acting the part. Like how was Snow and Emilie ( ugh that spelling annoys me) not out of breath? How and why were they walking everywhere?? Was this not an escape mission? Were hardened criminals not after them?? And the hair dye...wtf? Guess I learned a new trick...the worst part and the fact that there is something worse than what I mentioned was the damn spacedive...you can't edging enter the atmosphere like that...come on man...seriously?? When he took his suit off I damn near died of anger...so u can just enter the atmosphere via diving..from who knows how far up there were...and in just a few minutes annnnd take off ur suit..no decompression...no nothing...then land in the middle of a damn street...?? So u can do that luc besson...huh??? I was waiting for action to happen but they all kept walking as if they were not in danger...this was worse than Instupidous and I thought nothing could top that or that damn exorcism docucrap movie...lord help these ppl make a decent film... Ugh...I should have Cabin in the Woods....

  • bigben | April 22, 2012 1:44 PM

    mo- you're a genius

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