By Matt Singer | Criticwire March 2, 2012 at 9:30AM
Barbed Wire is the place where Criticwire celebrates the art of the pan. Here's where you'll find the roughest, toughest, funniest reviews, with easy access links to both article and author so you can follow more of their work.
Today, Barbed Wire looks at the reviews of "Project X," a found footage teen comedy produced by "The Hangover" director Todd Phillips. Yes, sadly this "Project X" has nothing to do with the classic 1987 "Project X" starring Matthew Broderick as a fighter pilot who befriends a chimpanzee. Little known fact: that "Project X" was released in some international territories as "Every Which Way But Ferris" (note: I didn't verify this, but I overheard someone say it at a bar once, which means it's almost definitely true). Critics were about as pleased with the new "Project X," which currently boasts a 26% rating on Rotten Tomatoes, as parents who come home early from a spa weekend to find their teenage kid throwing a kegger. Let's check out the ten best lines:
"This found-footage teen party comedy starts with a fake apology to the residents of the suburb in which the destructive party action takes place. It should go further than that, and apologize to anyone unfortunate enough to watch it."
"The film looks like shit, the characters are boors, and it’s as sloppily put-together as the home movie it pretends to be."
"As a tribute for the awesome destructive power of the teenage libido, the house-party-gone-apocalyptic flick 'Project X' is pretty compelling — all gyrating female bodies and throbbing music descending into impressive, fiery chaos. Think 'Girls Gone Wild' meets 'Black Hawk Down.' Unfortunately, it also appears to want to tell a story, with characters and things, and on that level it pretty much completely falls apart."
"Perhaps 'Project X' can serve a reminder that the studio behind the film has little effect on the quality of the final product. The same studio that put out 'Casablanca' also released 'Cats & Dogs: The Revenge of Kitty Galore.' Now, I suppose you can make a correlation between Bogart and fluffy animals, but it’s tough."
"Have teenagers always been this idiotic or does 'Project X' move the goalposts?"
"Thomas, long, pale and apprehensive, does have a certain Alan Ruck vibe. And his father is quite protective of his fancy car. But further comparisons to 'Ferris Bueller’s Day Off' will only make you want to cry."
"Flamboyantly loathsome on every imaginable level, and a great many unimaginable ones besides."
"With most movies, the question for viewers is: Who should see it? With 'Project X,' the most pressing issue is: Who shouldn’t see it? First of all: Your mother. She shouldn’t see it. Young teenagers shouldn’t see it, although they’ll probably figure out some way to sneak in. Older teenagers shouldn’t see it either, despite being A) the obvious target demographic and B) the subject of Nima Nourizadeh’s feature debut, an unapologetic and breathlessly amoral cinematic debauch about a California high-school kid whose parents leave town and -- prepare yourselves, people! -- throws an out-of-control, alcohol-soaked, drug-fueled, sex-crazed, jiggling-naked-breast-filled suburban bacchanal. So, basically, anyone who lives with or near a teenager, or is one, or might someday become one, shouldn’t see it."
"The movie equivalent of that good-looking, well-off teenage boy your gut tells you to keep away from your teenage daughter."
"This movie is evil and it must be destroyed."