By Matt Singer | Criticwire March 29, 2013 at 4:15PM
Barbed Wire is the place where Criticwire celebrates the art of the pan. Here's where you'll find the roughest, toughest, funniest reviews, with easy access links to both article and author so you can follow more of their work.
Tyler Perry's never been what you would call a "critical darling." At Rotten Tomatoes, his best score to date is a barely-fresh 62% for 2009's "I Can Do Bad All By Myself" (pause for irony of the title to sink in, aaaaaand...let's continue). But even by the standards of Tyler Perry movies, the newest Tyler Perry movie, "Tyler Perry's Temptation" (colon "Confessions of Marriage Counselor," at least until the subtitle got ditched at the last minute) is getting really bad reviews. In early going, the film's pulling a 0% at Rotten Tomatoes -- and so far I can't find a positive review anywhere else either.
"Oh, 'Tyler Perry's Temptation,' where to begin? You were written in a single night, right? On Red Bulls and Adderall?"
"I have not been this bored in a movie theater since I was 6 years old and saw 'Ordinary People.'"
"A 16-ton anvil of subtlety."
"Watching [Smollett-Bell] fall for Jones’ character is like watching Maude Flanders leave Ned for Ike Turner, only more tedious."
"The 'Temptation' of the title is a come-on and a false promise. How 'tempting' can a movie about cheating be if it has a PG-13 rating?"
"This film truly made my feminism hurt."
"The last thing I want to do on Easter weekend is commit the sin of making a bad Biblical pun, especially when Perry has already committed so many cinematic sins in this intelligence-insulting film."
"A cautionary tale about adultery that makes 'Reefer Madness' seem subtle."
"Tyler Perry's approach to sex isn't that far off from Steve Carrell's character in 'The 40 Year Old Virgin' describing a woman's breast as feeling like sand. It's basically just a bunch of steam and candles and lines that sound like they were written by a very horny but inexperienced twelve year old girl."
"What more, really, can one say about a movie in which Kim Kardashian is the single most believable thing on screen?"