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Let's Caption the Hollywood Reporter's Nic Pizzolatto Photos

Photo of Sam Adams By Sam Adams | Criticwire August 6, 2014 at 4:25PM

Every picture tells a story.
7
"What are you rebelling against, Nic Pizzolatto?"
"What've you got?"
"What are you rebelling against, Nic Pizzolatto?" "What've you got?"

Nic Pizzolatto does not take criticism well: In Lacey Rose's Hollywood Reporter profile, which hails him as one of TV's "new disruptors," he rails against the critics who who raised issues with "True Detective's" treatment of its female characters, which Rose obligingly demotes to "a trending topic among bloggers." (Did you know the New Yorker is a blog? Well, now you do.)

Those who hammer the character of Marty's wife, Maggie, played by Michelle Monaghan, for being flimsy are missing the point. If her point of view had been shown and she had remained a lightweight, he acknowledges, then those jibes would have more validity. But the first season, he argues, was conceived as a close point-of-view show, wholly told through the eyes and experiences of the two male characters. "You can either accept that about the show or not, but it's not a phony excuse," he says, unable to hide his frustration. He adds that he consulted his friend Callie Khouri on the matter: "When Callie, who wrote 'Thelma & Louise,' thinks that that's stupid criticism, I'm inclined to take her opinion over someone with a Wi-Fi connection."

In other words, some of his best friends are vaginas, so shut up.

But if Pizzolatto doesn't take well to criticism, he still takes a mean photograph, as evidenced by Reporter's lushly illustrated article. We see Pizzolatto sitting atop a partially disassembled motorcycle, which is evidently too much of a disruptor to ride standing up, sitting in a pickup truck with his arm outstretched, as if to say, "Hey lady, let me explain things to you," and butting his head against a wall, because — he butted his head against some walls?

The photos, which are as beautiful and as overwrought as "True Detective" itself, practically cry out to tell their own story. So we thought we'd write our own captions, and suggest you post your own below.

Pizzolatto

"Oh hi, I didn't see you there. Please come into my basement, which I have emptied out to suggest the dark void of man's soul."

Pizzolatto

"Did I mention that Season 2 is going to have a prominent female role? The 'Thelma & Louise' woman is totally my friend."

Pizzolatto

"Don't you know I have feelings, Emily Nussbaum?"

Pizzolatto

"And now I must go. You have made Nic Pizzolatto sad."


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