By Matthew Curtis | Enzian Theater June 7, 2007 at 12:10PM
Q: Which pathetic situation lasted longer, Paris Hilton's stay in jail or Billy Donovan's term as the 9th Head Coach of the Orlando Magic?
A: If you guessed Billy the Kid(der), the flip-flopper, the liar, then you are correct! It seems the once-again Gator coach was officially let out of his $27.5 million signed contract last night or early this morning, giving us a total of just about 6 days at the helm. Rumor has it that Paris was going to be let out of jail today (having served a whole 3 days of her 23 day sentence for violating probation) based on the recommendation of her psychiatrist that she was headed for a nervous breakdown--gee, we wouldn't want that now, would we? Living with roommates, eating institutional food, and sleeping with no pillow shouldn't be forced on anyone, even richer-than-God party girls and socialite Reality TV "actresses" who cut insipid pop/dance LP's.
Besides that five year non-compete clause that Billy agreed to (yeah, right--like another NBA team is going to take a chance on this guy), maybe proper penance should be to make him listen to Paris' CD all day like those unfortunate Starbucks employees that had nothing but the new McCartney (which isn't that bad) in the playstack on Tuesday. But there really should be some sizable penalty for what he did to this franchise, just like there's no reason that Paris Hilton shouldn't have served her full 3 week sentence (already reduced from 45 days) like every other (not so privileged) person in similar circumstances. I want justice dammit!