By Matthew Curtis | Enzian Theater August 16, 2007 at 10:58AM
So in the week I was out of the office playing daddy-shuttle for the kids and their various cross-country training/rock-climbing camp/junk movie activities, I did manage to have a bit of fun while absurdities abounded. My week was bookended by trips to Weeki Wachee Springs to check out the mermaids show for the first time ever in my combined 30 years living in this state, and the beautiful, soft white (shell-less) beaches of St. Augustine. All I can say is that a Weeki Wachee visit (less than 2 hours from Orlando!) should be mandatory for all Florida residents at least once in a lifetime--having just celebrated their 60th anniversary, the park has some serious debt problems and can use your help. Otherwise, another classic bit of old Florida and peerless kitsch will be going bye-bye--and then what will the Mer-boy(previously seen in Leah Wolchok's CITY OF MERMAIDS doc short in the 2006 Florida Film Festival) do? By the way, the Gypsy Cab Company, a restaurant on A1A in St. Augustine I've been frequenting for many, many years, is as good (and as good a value) as ever.
In the meantime, did you happen to hear MLB Commissioner Bud Selig talk about his "Herculean effort" following Barry Bonds around for 11 games as he tried to break Hank Aaron's home run record? Yeah, I'm sure that was incredibly tough--maybe Bud needs to go on vacation...permanently. And his (non) reaction to Bonds record-tying HR # 755 was one for the ages. He sat there without knowing what to do, was apparently told to get up, and then stood there with his hands in his pockets and an expression on his face that looked like he crapped his pants. Just pathetic. He then sent an underling to San Francisco to watch the record breaker because he couldn't be bothered since he was meeting with steroid investigator George Mitchell. Way to go, Hercules. I'm no fan of Bonds, but you sir, are an embarrassment to the game. Haven't they picked your successor yet?
And the glow of the Orlando Magic sticking around because of the new arena vote was short lived when they recently announced they were switching broadcast of their road games from UPN-65 on basic cable to FSN Florida. Unfortunately, right now Bright House Networks doesn't carry FSN Florida due to a years-long argument over whether the channel should be part of a basic cable package or a premium sports tier. So the majority of Central Florida would be shut out from 35 Magic games if the season were to start now. Luckily, they've got a couple of more months to work it out, and whether it's free or a couple of more bucks to get the broadcasts, they better get it done...or it's gonna get ugly.
Lastly, I am what you'd call a creature of habit, and one of those habits is dinners made up of cheese and crackers, fresh fruit, and nuts. I've never liked salty foods, so most of the time the crackers tended to be Low Sodium Triscuits, which are the right size and sturdy enough to make mini-sandwiches with cheese, cold cuts, or whatever. These suckers have been a staple of my diet for years if not decades. Well, a couple of weekends ago I stopped being able to find them on the shelves of my local supermarket(s). You can find probably 8 - 10 other varieties of Triscuits out there (you name it, they got it), but not a box of low salt anywhere. I finally called Kraft foods (who manufactures the Nabisco product) and got the bad news--they've discontinued the item. Are you kidding me!? In this day and age, where everyone is so health conscious, this is the one you cut out? Unbelievable.
I've tried switching to Low Sodium Wheat Thins (which they still make--assholes!), but they're a poor and flimsy substitute. I know I have your sympathy...anyone have any pull at Kraft?