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5 Secrets of Mine That The NSA Might Uncover

Jon Friedmans Media Matrix By Jon Friedman | Jon Friedmans Media Matrix June 10, 2013 at 12:37PM

Much has been made of the disclosure that the NSA has been gathering phone records of millions of unsuspecting Americans in an effort to curb worldwide terrorism.
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Big Brother Is Watching Us

Much has been made of the disclosure that the NSA has been gathering phone records of millions of unsuspecting Americans in an effort to curb worldwide terrorism.

I don't know nothin' about global anything but I can reveal to you know what my and your taxpayer dollars have gone to -- and I hope you will feel a lot safer for it.

But that doesn't mean I am 100% transparent -- as a peek over my phone records indicate.

I have secrets and I hope they don't get out.

Oh, yes, I have secrets. I'm not proud of some of them.

What the heck. The NSA's crack team is going to catch up to me sooner or lter and make me accountable for the following:

-- I bragged excessively about my good luck in obtaining a ticket to see Paul McCartney perform June 8 at the Barclays Center in Brooklyn.

-- I pushed a man and a woman out of the way on the 4 subway line to get a seat on the train en route to the concert

-- I gratuitously used the F word a lot.

-- I don't always recycle, especially when I'm in a big hurry.

-- I drink way too much diet Coke, sometimes in those jumbo servings.

There you have it. I'm a horrible person at times. I admit it.The NSA knows.

And this is just scratching the surface.