My apologies (condolences?) to all Harry Potter fans, but Barry Levinson did it first and much better than Columbus (screenwriter here) ever could. Mercifully quidditch-free yes, but also one of the most goddamned perverse things one could ever hope to see: virgins wrapped in mummy tatters and boiled in oil, priests throwing themselves under horse carriages, adorable old men hallucinating that they've seen horned flying demons crawling into their coats and stabbing themselves to death with daggers. God bless the PG-13-petrified Eighties...

P.S.- Beware walking pastry