Less than Meets the Eye

by robbiefreeling
June 1, 2006 1:13 AM
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“Friday we shot two CV-22s (Ospreys). They fly like aliens dropping out of the sky. We also shot stealth fighters and low attack missile runs (50 feet off the deck) A10 Warthogs. They look so deadly and mean. We also shot in an army tank graveyard that has more tanks in it then all of Iraq.”

Nope, it’s not R. Lee Ermey’s rantings on the latest episode of Mail Call.

But wait:
“This is the largest military cooperation since Pearl Harbor…”

What?! Oh, heavens, wait, Pearl Harbor the Movie! Why, it’s just the bluster of that preeminent “film”-maker…that eater of pencil shavings, Michael Bay. What’s the occasion? Well, according to Empire Online (the Magazine About Movies For Guys Who Like to Think They Like Movies), the first week of filming has come to a satisfying close on Michael Bay’s Transformers. I seemed to have completely forgotten that this was a Bay film…an odd choice, it seems. Not just because Transformers never felt particularly fast (there seemed to be more ellipses than action sequences and much of each episode was spent chilling with the dinobots…those Autobots had some serious downtime….), but more importantly, has anyone ever seemed less inclined towards nostalgia than Michael Bay? And to be honest, what sort of target audience does a new, gleaming, shiny Transformers movie have beyond those children of the Eighties still convinced that their afternoon lineup was superior to any other generation’s? Certainly the film promises to be about as much fun as an action figure kept in the box in hopes that one day it will be a pricey collectible. Transformers may offer state of the art effects, but the big question is…will it feature “Weird” Al Yankovic’s indelible “Dare to Be Stupid” from the original, truly badass Transformers the Movie?


  • Ben | June 10, 2006 8:40 AMReply

    My father once told me that if I found his keys, he would reward me with an autobot. Unfortunately for Hasbro, my dad found his own keys and I had to settle for a Go-bot.

  • johnny neill | June 2, 2006 8:56 AMReply

    Just got back from Toys R Us, and again, my Bronson wanted nothing but Transformers... I just wonder if there are going to be the Beast Wars Transformers in the movie... Those are the ones that turn from giant spiders or rhinos or dinosaurs into - yes - giant robots. That is Michael Bay logical,so, hey.

  • robbiefreeling | June 2, 2006 5:24 AMReply

    Wow...I'm out of the loop. Good to know, though. I'm sure Bay will retain the youthful ardor of the Transformers and not make it at all into a crass, pummeling, spectacular "event." Not that I won't see it....

  • robbiefreeling | June 1, 2006 9:29 AMReply

    There can be no other Unicron, obviously. The heart skips a beat when one thinks of the possibility of Brian Dennehy standing in for the role.

  • Keith Uhlich | June 1, 2006 5:34 AMReply

    And if I might paraphrase Armond White: Orson Welles has already done Unicron definitively.