What makes this poster a classic? It's not the morbid-romantic title. Or the delicate, doily font. Or the instantly unappealing, oddly bespectacled couple. Or the freshly written paper of sheet music inferring a tale of artists in heat. No, it's that massive, weirdly indented tag line: "Call someone you loved and lost a long time ago and ask them to see a movie. Maybe it's not too late." Say it a few times in your head. It gets funnier (er, I mean, more poignant and urgent) each time you say it. Call them now....ask them to see a movie.... it doesn't matter which one. It could be anything. This is 1978, after all. It could be Magic. It could be Midnight Express. It could be The Boys from Brazli or The Magic of Lassie . . . just go see a movie with that lost love! It MIGHT not be too late. Check the newspaper for showtimes. And make sure you buy cheaper candy from the supermarket first so you don't have to buy the overpriced Junior Mints at the concession.
No, I've never heard of If Ever I See You Again, but there's something curious going on. That strapping male lead in the poster, who looks like a young Michael Crichton in a track suit, wrapping his arms around a grim-looking Shelley Hack, seems to be someone named Joe Brooks. Hmmm, well, lookee here, Joe Brooks is also the co-writer, producer, and director of If Ever I See You Again. The plot thickens . . . then my eye travels up to the faded all-capped font above the credit block: "In his first starring role, Joe Brooks, the man who brought you You Light Up My Life." Eureka, it all clicks. This one fits right in with that odd subgenre of late Seventies, early Eighties films about lustful songwriters loving and losing (also including the Streisand-Kristofferson A Star Is Born, of course), often featuring horse-riding montages. As for Joe Brooks, whose next film was 1980's Headin' for Broadway? Royalty checks, man, royalty checks.
Bonus: George Plimpton! Bonus bonus: 3 out of 10 on imdb! Bonus bonus bonus: The only review of it I can find is on a site called "Bums Corner". Quote:
"This movie has to be seen to be believed. It fails miserably on every level."
Anyone have a tape of If Ever I See You Again?