Quote of the Week: Neil Rosen on "The Constant Gardener"

by StayPuft
September 12, 2005 3:45 AM
1 Comment
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From my favorite working critic, NY1's Neil Rosen.

"...But the pacing is at times slow, it's a bit predictable, there is a lot of preaching going on here, and director Fernando Meirelles, who also made the acclaimed "City of God," seems more concerned at times with imparting a moral message than he is in making an entertaining thriller."

Neil Rosen's Big Apple Rating: Three apples

Thank you, Neil. Thank you for reminding us that an entertaining thriller need not bog itself down with moral message. Ok, people? Are you listening? Let's keep politics in the senate and good clean mindless frivolity in theaters. Giving Gardener three apples, to boot!?!? That only shows what a fine and generous soul you are when faced with sub-par filmmakers who are obviously just trying too hard (why not throw in a mercy half-apple here and there?). I mean, you only gave D.E.B.S. two and a half apples:

"...the movie has clever moments and overall it does manage to be funny and endearing. Now some people may find the film idiotic. But that's basically the whole point here. It's campy, silly fun and if you look at it on that level there is a good time to be had.

It's also real easy on the eyes to have four sexy school girls, who in reality are in their twenties, running around in plaid mini skirts fighting crime. And I do think, among other things, that was one of the clear intentions of the filmmakers. "

Re-reading your insightful comments here is both galvanizing (as an aspiring critic) and tough to swallow; I mean, Neil, when you can watch four sexy school girls fighting crime, why on earth would you sit through something like The Constant Gardener? There's not even that much gardening! I'm going to have to reverse-criticize your criticism on this one: I'd take that half-apple from Gardener and feed it to those hot little mama's from D.E.B.S.

But that's why I love your work, Mr. Rosen, you get me thinking. And sometimes, you get me thinking in terms of apples. And at the end of the day, this New Yorker wants it laid out straight: just tell me how many apples, and I'll go bobbing.

Just a little friendly mono e mono between critics, buddy. You'll always have four big apples in my mind.

p.s. Your pronunciation of Meirelles? Priceless. Fernando Mary-Ellis himself would appreciate that.

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1 Comment

  • sid | September 13, 2005 5:55 AMReply

    Neil Rosen's review was a joke. NY1 should can this fool and stick with their frequent guest critics from EW magazine.