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The Good News and Bad News About "Transfromers: Dark Of The Moon"

by Sergio
June 28, 2011 1:52 AM
10 Comments
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Now that I've seen it (and still recovering from it), I can tell you that there is both good news and bad news about Transformers: Dark Side of the Moon, opening technically late Tuesday night.

The bad news is that the 2 and half hour film is basically the ultimate fantasy movie for dimwitted, masturbatory, 12 years olds, with severe attention deficit disorder. It's so relentlessly busy, idiotic and convoluted plot-wise that it will no doubt test your limits. It's another cinematic example revealing how men have increasingly become nothing but overgrown immature boys.

All the characters are superficial and shallow, and no doubt women will love how the only two women in the film are portrayed in either one of two ways: as furniture in skin tight dresses showing off their ass cheeks, or as a castrating bitch.

And the final 50 minutes, which is a battle royal between good and evil Transformers in downtown Chicago (well basically just centered around Wacker Drive and Wabash, and in front of the Wrigley Building on North Michigan Ave for our Chicago area readers) is so over the top, frantic, aggressive and in your face for what seems like FOREVER, that it actually gets tedious halfway through. The film needs a serious dose of Ritalin. Though the kiddies for sure will love it.

But the good news you'll love. You can rest easy since the two "Sambots'" - Mudflaps and Skids - are not in it. Remember them? Those two ghetto, jive talking, "ig'nant" black Transformers wearing gold chains, with gold teeth, and who can't read, don't appear at all in this new film.

This after Michael Bay's vocal defense of the characters, and his vow that they would return. But they're nowhere in sight. Not even a cameo.

Saner heads have prevailed this time.

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10 Comments

  • Vio12 | June 28, 2011 10:31 AMReply

    Your review is pretty much what I expected when I saw the trailer.

    Sergio, any thoughts on Rosie Huntington-Whiteley as Megan Fox's replacement? No high expectations here, but just curious.

  • Neziah | June 28, 2011 9:19 AMReply

    All jokes aside, good review, I knew not to expect anything from this film besides the same crap. Funny how Shia said this is their best script so far, that's not saying much.

  • Neziah | June 28, 2011 9:17 AMReply

    Typo, I meant "Since".

  • Neziah | June 28, 2011 9:16 AMReply

    There's good news for a movie like this? Sine when?

  • Ghost | June 28, 2011 8:31 AMReply

    Mudflap does appear in the graphic novel of the film and is killed by Prime.

    It seems Mr. Bay has offered a reward for anyone that can point out the twins being in this film after he took them out.

    One reviewer who saw the movie stated they were in it. I have af eeling they are in it and if you live outside the USA-you will see them.

  • Ghost | June 28, 2011 8:21 AMReply

    Mudflaps and Skids - are not in it. Remember them? Those two ghetto, jive talking, “ig’nant” black Transformers wearing gold chains, with gold teeth, and who can’t read, don’t appear at all in this new film.
    ---------------------------------------------------------------------
    They will probably be found in the deleted scenes on DVD and I thik they do appear in the comic book version of this film that was released in May.

  • bb | June 28, 2011 6:37 AMReply

    'Sambots'? You've got to be kidding me. When racist stereotypes are that blatant I can't help but just stare in shock- too shocked to be angry.

  • Jug | June 28, 2011 5:03 AMReply

    Thanks for taking that bullet, Sergio. I wouldn't even go see this for free. I will continue my streak of never EVER having seen a Michael Bay film in a theatre.

    2 hours I could spend sleeping...

  • Zeus | June 28, 2011 2:54 AMReply

    Never got into this series. The first was enough. Didn't even bother with the second and won't bother with this one either.

  • Tamara | June 28, 2011 2:29 AMReply

    Thanks for the review, Sergio.

    Judging by the trailers alone, I am perplexed as to why so many of the main action sequences occur in the city. I'm trying to remember the cartoon and want to say that I remember them being out in the desert, along deserted highways, in the middle of nowhere fighting one another... But I'm old and my memory fails.

    I had issue (sight issues) with the first one, which I think is by far the best as the second is fanfiction comprised mostly of action and Bay-esque wannabe slow-moving John Woo sequences sans doves; issue in that sometimes I couldn't 'see' the action for all the 'flash'. Case & point: the action sequence on the military base in Qatar (which was awesome) but much too flashy and as you say, perhaps, ritalin-infused. I wonder if I should cop a prescription before seeing this third feature. LOL.

    I'm a glutton for punishment, for the fantastical heroes of my youth so I will see this feature regardless.

    Also, thank you movie-Gods (I wonder if Spielberg had the yay/nay say on the Sambots <----the SAMbots? SMH) for not bringing those two in again. That'll be one less cringeworthy moment I'll have to endure when finally I view this film.

    And yes, on Bay's usage of women in these features. It's beyond basic and proof positive (reinforcement) of him just not giving a flip (misogyny runneth amuck). Megan Fox in the first, I could tolerate, but in the second she was completely useless (to me). Nothing against her personally but she was a prop (one too many...even Sam's mother was reduced to drunken-sailor in a tennis skirt) in the second. They were all better off in the first feature, but meh, first is usually the best...

    except in the case of Star Wars: Empire Strikes Back (shameless plug). G.O.A.T. Star Warsian Saga Cine!!! LOL

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