Not technically an actor, Marilyn Manson has appeared in a few movies, including as a porn star in David Lynch’s Lost Highway and as Rose McGowan’s lover in Jawbreaker. Seeing him in any film makes us cringe just a little bit, but when he’s got a sleazy mustache and simulating sex we have to avert our eyes completely. Maybe it’s because we’ll never get that penis-tuck photo from the inside of the “Lunchbox” single out of our heads. In addition to never needing to see Manson in film sex scenes, we hope to never see him having sex (simulated or not) in his music videos, either. His onscreen lovemaking with girlfriend Evan Rachel Wood in “Heart Shaped Glasses” is still haunting us. And as long as we’re going after music stars doing sex scenes, we’d like to make an honorable mention of Eminem in 8 Mile. The rapper shows he can act in that film, and we’d like to see him do more work (he’s also in Funny People as himself), just as long as we don’t have to watch him in another sex scene.
In an IFC.com list of 50 Worst Sex Scenes, writer Stephen Saito begins discussion of a scene from Novocaine by writing, “for a whole host of reasons, comedians shouldn’t do serious sex scenes.” It’s the same reason that the Funny People sequence is uncomfortable. And it applies to Steve Martin’s pre-sex scene with a nude Claire Danes in Shopgirl as much as it does his more full-on-banging scene with Helena Bonham Carter in Novocaine. The one reason we’re hoping Martin sticks to schtick like The Pink Panther rather than continuing his evolution into more serious fare is that we’d rather not have to one day see his naked ass thrusting towards some young starlet.