-
Review: 2012 Animated Short Oscar Noms -
Watch 2 Early Shorts by Brad Peyton -
Interview: Oscar Nominee Marshall Curry -
Interview: James Marsh -
10 Monster Weddings
On DVD: "Koran by Heart"
"Breaking Dawn" Discussions
Before "Project Nim": "Project X"
10 Things "Twilight" Teaches Boys
On DVD: "Very Harold & Kumar Christmas"
Watch 6 Min. of "Project Nim"
Valentine's Love Letter to Epic Romances10 Things Twilight Teaches Teenage Boys About Teenage Girls
Twilight is poised to make a kazillion dollars this weekend, despite the fact that it contains mediocre acting and special effects that look like they were cutting edge back in 1977. That’s really a testament to the fans of the book series, which is dominating the teenage market. Just like Sex in the City surprised studio execs by bringing in hordes of middle-aged women and making that a hit, the teens will do the same for this moody vampire flick.
A lot of those teens are going to be of the male variety, hoping to get some insight into the mysterious creature that is a teenage girl. Kenneth Turan of the Los Angeles Times says, ” I am not now nor have I ever been a 13-year-old girl, but “Twilight” made me wish I could be.” Which if you’ve ever met Kenneth Turan is slightly disturbing, but I get his point. The movie does a great job of putting you in Bella Swan’s shoes, and letting you know what makes her tick. With that in mind, check out our list of 10 things that teenage boys can find out about teenage girls when they see this movie.
Girls Like Boys Who Ignore Them
When Edward first sees Bella in class, he stiffens up like he’s smelled a dead skunk and avoids her like the plague. Days go by and he doesn’t return to class, but she searches for him every day. Finally, when he does come back, he alternates between being nice to her, and telling her she shouldn’t be friends with him. It ends up driving Bella nuts, which is maybe what he wanted all along. Next time you see a girl you’re interested in, make sure she catches your eye, then act like she repulses you and you should be well on your way.
Girls Like Boys Who Are Mysterious
It’s important to maintain an air of mystery about yourself, and not come in all blundering like cheerful dork Mike Newton in the movie. The guy is an open book, and as a result Bella is bored by him. The only thing that catches her fancy at the new school is the bunch of aloof, slightly goth students who mosey in with tons of hair product looking like they wandered off the campus of a private school. Don’t let people know about your past, sulk around, and randomly break off during conversations and walk away. You’ll be a man of mystery.
Girls LIke Boys Who Talk About Their Feelings
While you can’t come out and do this right away, because then you violate the rule of first ignoring the girl, eventually you have to pony up and spill your secrets. Although the key is being mysterious for period of time during which you’re doing all of the “reeling in” work. In order to keep that girl you’re going to have to let her know your big secret, and make her feel like she’s the only one in the world who knows it. Of course, it helps if the secret is that you’re a hundred years old and a vampire, but the fact that you used to wet the bed until you were 10 might work as well. The key is to just open up at some point and confide in her, without seeming like a whiner.
Girls Like Boys With Hair Product
Have you even seen Edward’s hair in Twilight? Seriously, it’s ridiculous. He looks like the lovechild of James Dean and Elvis, and he has to spend at least an hour getting the ‘do ready for school every day, although we never get to see how he preps it. Do vampires also get the gift of extremely well-coiffed hair? And he’s not the only one, his vampy brethren all have hair that looks like it came out of one of those books you see in the waiting areas of hair salons. The sort of hair catalogues you’re meant to pick your next look out of. Robert Pattinson fans call it “sex hair”, which either means it’s sexy hair, or it’s what your hair looks like after sex. Either way, pick up some product and start working on your locks.
Girls Stammer Around Boys They’re Interested In
If you’re looking for one of the signs that she’s really into you, this is a good one. If she can barely get through a sentence when she’s talking to you, then she wants you. Either that or she might be grammatically challenged, but let’s keep hope alive and assume that she’s just nervous. When Edward finally starts talking to Bella she sounds like Woody Allen, and you’ll need to look for those same tongue-tied signs. Besides staring at you constantly, the tangled tongue is about the only other visual cue you’ll get that she’s into you.
Girls Want Sex Just As Much As Boys Do
This one shatters an age-old myth that guys just want to get in girls’ pants. Let me tell you, girls want to get in your pants just as badly. Bella definitely tries to put the moves on Edward, and she pursues him a lot harder than he pursues her. There’s no discussion about waiting for an appropriate time or making sure the moment is extra special. No, she just wants to get him out of those clothes and get busy. Not to say that Bella’s a slut, because she’s actually a pretty chaste girl. But she definitely wouldn’t mind getting Edward in the sack for some extra-curricular activities.
Girls Like Boys Who Can Resist The Urge
Whether that urge is to suck your blood or go all the way in bed, girls love a guy with self-restraint, and it also goes back to the whole “ignore her and it’ll drive her crazy” tip near the top of this list. Edward and Bella have one fairly intense makeout scene in this movie. They’re up in Bella’s bed, and she’s in her panties. Things get hot and heavy and suddenly Edward flies backwards and slams into the wall. He knows he has to be careful with her or he’ll probably tear her to shreds. Instead of getting naked and going for it, he just lays next to her and watches her sleep.
Girls Like Boys Who Can Play The Piano
Although you’d hope that could work for just about any instrument, I don’t know if you’re going to be able to reel them in with the French Horn or the Oboe. Was Kenny G. ever a chick magnet? Stick with the basics, like a guitar or the piano. Edward plays a tune for Bella, and according to my book-obsessed Twilight friends, he actually writes a song for her later in the series. Which of course would drive any girl nuts. Still, the piano makes you look sensitive and it’s less phallic of an instrument than a guitar. It’ll make you look moody, adds more mystery, and it is like kryptonite to a girl’s heart.
Girls Like Boys Who Play Sports
Even if you’re an immortal being that survives on the blood of others, girls will still dig it if you can hit those balls into deep center field. There’s a fairly ridiculous moment in Twilight where a huge thunderstorm gives the vampires a chance to play baseball, since the thunder masks the sound when they pound the ball. They invite Bella to tag along and you can see how excited she gets when Edward makes a spectacular catch. It’s not exactly as romantic as sitting in the stands and watch your man make a free throw or break free for a touchdown, but it’s as close as Bella can get, and she loves it. So take something up, even if it’s kickball.
Girls Like Bad Boys
For years girls have been loving the archetype of the rebel, the guy who hangs out by himself, sports tattoos, rides a motorcycle, gets in trouble every now and then. Well, there’s nothing badder than a guy who could potentially kill you for lunch, and who has to constantly put himself through physical pain by resisting the urge to open up your jugular as your blood sings to him. Outwardly the vampires in Twilight just have pale skin and sparkle like diamonds when they’re in the full sunlight, but inside they’re a raging storm of emotions. While you might not be able to become a vampire, just talk back to a teacher or consider that tattoo you’ve always wanted. It’ll work roughly the same magic.
Email Updates
Get the latest headlines from Spout delivered to your inbox every day.
75 Comments
Lydia | February 7, 2012
Girls dont care about hair product! And Girls don't know if you like them or not if you ignore them so, it is better if you DON'T
Demi | January 22, 2012
Girls dont really care about the hair product!
Laura | January 15, 2012
IDK who wrote this but girls DO NOT like guys that ignore them. It makes them think that, that person doesn't like them!
Natalie | January 6, 2012
I love Twilight, but this is seriously hilarious.
Katya | January 3, 2012
nonononono!!! half of this is stereotypical and NOT TRUE!! Just cause Bella likes it doesnt mean we do too.....
sharath | December 25, 2011
all i can say is...................... ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha lol lol lol lol lol lol lol u forgot to take your medicine or wat?
Lindan | December 6, 2011
Oh HELL no. Just... ew. No, no, no. NO. I swear, if a boy tries to pursue me using that crap I'm liable to kick him in the nuts. No Twilight. It sucks. Harry Potter however... Well, use the tactics in Harry Potter. Or in nearly any anime. Trust me, if a boy used a Harry Potter pickup line on me, I would be dying of laughter in between trying to respond in an equal manner. One thing anime, video game, or Potter related and you've got me, a 13 year old girl who's a freshman, in your hands. It's funny, I'm friends with all the nerds and goths and the first thing they do is ask me for advice. It's awkward, since honestly, I'm not the normal girl, I'm the flat out nerd, so I can't really tell them what a girl wants. Boys can be such a handful.
hamza khan | December 3, 2011
samegirls
Mark | December 2, 2011
Twilight- the reason millions of girls think this represents a "good book" and why this article is filled with people who don't know enough English to tell apart a satirical article making fun of twilight, from a serious one. Most scary of all? Several girls saying that the article is completely true and it "totally works". Maybe the end of the world in 2012 wouldn't be such a bad thing.
jade | December 1, 2011
Wow i think u guys r just RLLY into jacob... i dream of having a guy treat meh like edward... dudes if u rlly like a girl, find out what kinda girl she is nd is shes a girl tht talks crap like these other chicks i recommend u ignore her. but yesh plz if u like a girl treat her like edward treats bella... TEAM EDWARD!!!!!
Ashley | November 30, 2011
Obviously this "Kevin Kelly" dude who wrote this crappy article has never read any of the Twilight series or even seen any of the Twilight movies. The first sentence I read of this article made me pissed off and I stopped reading. Girls like boys who ignore them?! Thats just annoying. Girls like mysterious guys?! wtf no. Thats creepy not mysterious. Girls like boys who talk about their feelings?! Thats being depressing not cute. Okay like seriously, hair products is such a turn off. Do you not see the white crap that comes out of gel. And if you haven't noticed, a messy hair look is actually nice these days. CHANGE THIS ARTICLE BEFORE ANY OTHER GUYS SEE THIS AND THEY TURN INTO DUMB EDWARD CULLEN WANNA-BE'S.
Tasha | November 29, 2011
NO. Just...just no. If a guy ignores me, i say "screw you" and move on. This is all bull.
Leanne | November 29, 2011
Complete BS if some boy started telling me bout there feelings i be like shut up i dont care...2 things are ture (to me anyway)
Katie | November 28, 2011
Okay who ever wrote this shut up cause one thing is true out of the entire thing
Matt | November 12, 2011
What a bunch of CRAP! YouTwilight morons should watch Boondock Saints 2 in light of the talking about feelings junk. "Men don't talk about their feelings because its none of your f--king business!
Ashley | November 9, 2011
I know this was supposed to be mocking, but truthfully the only one that is truly wrong is the first one. All the other ones are true. Yes it is true that girls want sex just as much as guys do. Also the movie is like crap compared to the book cause they add a lot of stuff and take out too much from the book, which makes it kinda crappy. Cause in the book there was no make-out scene exactly, and it wasn't in her bed. Plus they never climbed a tree. In the other books they got heavier together but not in the first.
sam | October 8, 2011
i agreee.but in one point i think girls dont like sex as much as boys.
Holly | September 25, 2011
I find it disturbing that every other post on here is from a Twilight fan who doesn't understand that this is a MOCKERY of Twilight, not a praise of it. DO YOU UNDERSTAND, TWILIGHT FANS? THIS IS A PARODY. THEY ARE MAKING FUN OF TWILIGHT IN THIS POST. Oh, my God. The stupidity of Twilight fans has been forever cemented in my mind from the response by them to this post. I particularly appreciate how 75% of them can barely manage to crap out the most basic punctuation and grammar.
Holly | September 25, 2011
"they just stay in a bar and make bad guys rape them and they reject us good boys :D sadly.." Wow, really? So Twilight fans are not just stupid, but also rape apologists, too! And girls are not just complicated, but they're also BITCHES BECUZ THEY REJECT THE NICE BOYS AND FORCE THE BAD GUYZ 2 RAPE THEM BECUZ THEY R BAD!!!1 Cool. Love what Twilight is teaching our youth.
Taty | September 25, 2011
some of this is crap (Gel, hair product) but i admit it is kinda romantic when they guy can play a pretty tune in a room light from the winter snow outside...ahh edward is romantic is hell but u cant deny jacobs hot bod..yhu just cant!!! Bella was blessed with the love from these sexx gods :P
Sirius Black | September 11, 2011
P.S. Avada Kedrava any filthy muggle who disagrees with me!
Sirius Black | September 11, 2011
Um. Eff you, Meyer for turning me into a pathetic shape shifter. Siriusly, you suck. Also, Twilight teaches people that girls can just lay down while their sparkly vampire boyfriends do all the work. That is just one of the MANY reasons why this piece of words (it's not literature, morons) is stupid.
sydney | August 16, 2011
no, no, no you have it wrong. girls dont like boys who ignore them. what we do love is how edward trys his best and uses all his strength for bella. and when she finds out, he is her knight in shining armor and will fight to death for her. what really makes us love twilight is that edward and bella have a incredibly strong love, and nothing tears them apart. they are like magnets. edward is beautiful, not hot but beautiful because he shows his feelings and is a miricle
hi | July 25, 2011
First thing.. this article was written by a guy who hates twilight, he makes it so complicated! gawd sake. being mysterious and being well groomed and a bad boy i guess does attract some girls but the way i see it in this movie, is boys dont look deep enough! Edward is what we wish boys were and Jacob is like the common boy apart from not everyone has the abs.. just like hes stuck up and thinks he KNOWS what bella wants and he thinks he can give it to her, but he cant! she really wants a guy whos different than all the rest, someone who understand her, is well groomed eg releating to real life( doesnt think joggers and trampy trainers or something is an outfit, maybe he knows how to dress himself or somehting) also he has a talent and all the rest, just the fact that edwards a vampire and jacob is a wolf is just for movie purposes geez..
Otter | June 5, 2011
I think Twilight teaches us nothing about teenage girls and CERTAINLY not what they should or are looking for in a relationship. Edward watches Bella sleep. That is weird and creepy no teenage girl wants a guy sneaking into her room and watching them sleep. Bella is whiny, no one likes a girl that gets furious at the weather and cries about what she did to each other Bella believes Edward is the most wicked awesome thing ever and can not live without him. In reality teenage girls may like even love their boyfriends but they shouldn't go into depression because they break up. Nor try and throw themselves off a cliff in a crazed desire to see their boyfriend again that's crazy! You wanna know about teenagers read Harry Potter which is about love not lust~ or Will Grayson, Will Grayson Not Twilight?!!!
You Forgot TIGHT ABS & NO GAS. | May 28, 2011
You conveniently left out the physical aspects of what girls like (but this isn't the first breakdown list from males to leave out all the physicals of what's attractive). Girls/women/females REALLY don't like all the "farting" that guys do. It's REALLY a turn-off, really it is. It's not sexy, it's hot, it's not funny, plus it STINKS to hell and back. So, if you do that a lot and normally let it rip and laugh or think it's cute, your girlfriend may laugh with you but be secretly repulsed. AND as far as what you left out of your list: "JACOB'S ABS". Females want something that looks good, too & guys who take care of themselves. Nobody likes sag, man boobs, pot belly and all that other crap, just like guys proclaim they don't want 'fat' girls, or 'ugly' girls or whatever. That goes both ways. Learn to keep yourselves in shape or stop demanding it from others. I'm not going to get into the actual list you wrote because Twilight is just a film/book and maybe you're taking it too far. But let females enjoy their eye candy (Edward,Jacob,Wolf Pack, ect.)
John Cynic | May 20, 2011
The movie doesn't teach them anything. Girls already like guys who are mysterious and ignore them. Oh yeah, and girls do like sex and they do try to have it with guys they are into. They also like bad boys. This movie is actually pretty close to reality, good for them. And good work with the article, social conditioning at it's best.
Annie | May 12, 2011
I like guys that are natural no gel or mystery. I like piano or guitar any instrument. I don't care about sport or school work. I don't like being ignored, I like the guy to approach me cause I am really shy. I don't like bad guys, funny is the only trait I really care about, it is a must for me.
Tristan | April 26, 2011
Films like Twilight make teens focus on things which are not important: like 'hairstyles' and 'face'. Hoe can you choose a partner based on such superficial things? the most important thing in life is what you do, every minute, every second of everyday, and not hairstyle or how you look. I dont think the values that hollywood teaches teenage girls and boys like me, are very meaningful. If the person you marry lost their hair, or if they were horribly scarred in an accident, would you leave him or her?
Sarah | April 19, 2011
You all did understand that this is a SATIRICAL article, yes? Because it sounds like most of you are taking it seriously, which is a serious worry...
Amy | April 13, 2011
What's not to like about Twilight? One girl has two incredibly hot guys who love her so much they tolerate her being in love with both of them because they don't want to lose her, and they're both willing to die to protect her. It's not that hard to understand. Most girls would DIE (literally) to find that kind of guy. Loving, gentle, loyal, sexy, and totally and completely in love with her and no one else. Guys would do VERY well to make Twilight their Bible.
moo moo | March 23, 2011
hey if any of u need some tips on girls boys or any thing send me an email at maddiecollierrox@yahoo.com i will be able to help but only if u e mail
moo moo | March 23, 2011
i am trying to impress this dude in my class and he is soooooooo cute but some girls in my class call him ugly so now i think that the girls that called him ugly well it was more one person but that person whi did is a BITCH
Jess | February 18, 2011
Okay i pretty much agree with everything on the list. But i admit they did fail to include some things. 1. I love a guy who is just himself and doesn't act weird just to be "cool." 2. I love playing around with guys all the time, and also touching their hair which i know some of you guys dont like but i really dont care, it annoys you fine ill stop. So just play with the girl, can be a "poke war", or just being funny making her laugh. 3. about the mysterious thing. I do like guys who are mysterious and ignore me, but when they ignore me i like it when i see a distant smile and see that they just are flirting or playing around. The hair, dont fuss too much about it, i have liked guys with long straight hair, short curly hair, you all are special in your own ways, dont give up. Eye contact is a MUST. I love looking into a guys eyes their so deep and mysterious. Also many girls look at guys they like and when they try to look away they still steal glances. But not only are we looking, but we want to see if they look at us, just makes us feel good. GOOD LUCk, WISH YOU THE BEST! want to ask me things about girls or anything, ask me through my email - jessica091597@yahoo.com
Doctor Nicker | February 8, 2011
Nigr n igrn i grni g rnig r nigr! Don't forget to be a niggr. Girls like NIGS.
daisy dukes | January 23, 2011
biggest thing of all - teen girls DO NOT LIKE HAIR!!! hairy legs, fine. hairy arms, fine. I don't like mustache/facial hair to be honest, stubble is a little sexy but chest and back hair is the nastiest thing on earth why do you think we like jacob so much??? cuz he's 1. tan and 2. hairless and 3. buff (but not 2 buff, bodybuilding is an ultimate turnoff) :) hope this helped dudes!
daisy dukes | January 23, 2011
Um....this is totally wrong. I don't like guys that talk about their feelings nonstop - hello, I'm dating a guy, not a girl! I don't like bad boys - I like smart and funny and a little bit of class clown, but no drugs and stuff. I like natural hair - not gelled or messed with like most guys. I DO like guys that resist The Urge. It says the relationship is not all about sex. I don't stammer around guys I'm interested in - I stay relaxed and calm. Bella stammers around everyone, soooo...If a guy ignores me, I'm not interested. I like being center of attention. I don't like mysterious guys - I like guys that put themselves out there and aren't shy. I like guys that play acoustic guitar, cuz its sweet and natural, NOT PIANO, and yes I do like guys that play sports. Anyway, most of this stuff was wrong! Twilight is a fantasy love story - real love is not like this!!!
alex | January 5, 2011
girls are weird u duno what there gonna do next they think they know evrything but they dont. that bella girl is fit she aint like angie joly but she is qite fit int she.
Minato | November 5, 2010
Hey lets make a organisation on undersating teen gals :)
Minato | November 5, 2010
Hey lets make a organisation on undersating teen gals :)
Minato | November 5, 2010
Hey lets make a organisation on undersating teen gals :)
mbugua | October 30, 2010
if it fails ul c ma wrth.
WTF ? | October 28, 2010
Teenage girls are the hardest complicated things on the earth we just can't understand you at all!! how about you try to be a guy and figure out how girls are so diffierent from each other and we must figure out every detail on the one we will chase !! and let's put aside the rejection and aroggant type.. they just stay in a bar and make bad guys rape them and they reject us good boys :D sadly..
Moe Lester | October 27, 2010
i would wreck that slut bella
Minato | October 23, 2010
So u hv tried the shit,jerk
Akash | October 22, 2010
It works guy not all tricks but at some level it works.
Minato | October 21, 2010
I don't know if this will work n i dun wana know but i know its bull shit for me everyones different n special for some one so just remain what u r instead of showing off as a jerk
A-lem | October 14, 2010
Yeah, that's awesome not totaly. I luv it expet we've not to be a bad boyz
sara | October 8, 2010
i love Robert and i like jacob! Would you rather be with a werewolf or a vampire?
Hannah | October 8, 2010
fyi if you haven't noticed, most teenage girls dont even like Edward. like wtf?
Nahomy | September 29, 2010
Guys! Don't do this! This is Bullsh!t. XD Seriously, the girl will think you're a retarded moron!
lild | September 26, 2010
lild here yaw crazyy lol
Pepsi | August 21, 2010
DUMB!
sudesh naik | August 20, 2010
please sent massage..... i wan to look preety white and fair . all girls are want too look me . i want to look beautiful. what is the secret to becomes beauyiful. all girl are want to look me. massage is sent
Abby | August 8, 2010
hahaahah, this is hilerous (:
John | August 1, 2010
Girls like boys who treat them like objects, and alcoholics like brandy. If you care about girls or alcoholics, you DON'T GIVE THEM WHAT THEY LIKE. (And for the record, Bella is a slut.)
Lora | August 1, 2010
I don't like bad boys or boys who style their hair or boys who avoid you but I do like boys who have some musical sense and boys who share their feelings and on''t try to hide it behind a wall. It's just stupid.
haley | July 29, 2010
most of this is true except i HATE bad boys i love guys who can play music and talk about there feelings and are athletic and things like that i hate how boys are so imiture sometimes
makka | July 28, 2010
hey girls sorry about all the swearing
makka | July 28, 2010
SHIT im only guy on this thing FUCK
Makka | July 28, 2010
most of this is bullshit i tried it and if you havent already guessed it failed miserably infact it mader things worse thanks alot
Kaylee | July 24, 2010
I'm not sure how much of this post was written in earnest, and how much was sarcastic, considering the first two posts, but I have to say it got a few things right :) Just for the record, I'm an anti, not a fan.
Jacenta | July 24, 2010
This list is sooo true! Every guy should read it! i love it when guys take time to style their hair and i LOVE how they did Roberts hair in twilight it looked soo good! just dont let it get really greasy cuz thats gross. but other than that ya :) lol
Kirsten | July 22, 2010
Is it sad that Vampires and Werewolves literally freak me out? Or is it sad that they don't freak Bella out at all...
kay | July 19, 2010
Every guy should read this!
Rose | July 15, 2010
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE!!! NOT THE HAIR!!! Robert looks like he hasn't washed his hair in 2 weeks!!!! I am a girl and i like a guy with clean hair maybe a little defriz for longer hair but please i like to fun my hands through short hair NOT pull back and ask WHAT THE HELL IS IN YOU HAIR or WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU WASHED THIS RATS NEST! I had a friend and her ex-boyfriend washed is hair once a week and yes i know it is bad for hair to be washed everyday cause is strips it of natural oils but, he put gel and stuff in his hair everyday and let it build till it looked like he had hat hair and a lot of dandruff wouldn't be surprised if he did have dandruff.