After interviewing him in Toronto in ‘06, following him through the streets of Cannes in ‘07, and dining next to him at Sundance ‘09, I had my fourth Gael Garcia Bernal encounter last night at the Tribeca party for his new film “Rudo y Cursi.” I’m somewhat surprised I’ve yet to be served with restraining order papers, as I’m sure Gael must notice the extreme and creepy googily eyes I shoot his way and the incoherent non-language of cracked voice that I articulate whenever he’s around.
Either way, here are a few pics from last night, and tonight Gael will be speaking at one of indieWIRE’s Apple Store Talks, which might just give me the access to him that will finally get me that restraining order. Expect videos from the event tomorrow, that is if I’m legally allowed to post any Gael-related entries by that time.
Since Sundance ended over two weeks ago, I have been holed up at my mother’s house, taking advantage of free food and laundry and the fact that absolutely no external distractions is suggestive of getting more work done. This ended up only partly being true, as you should never underestimate the power of satellite television when one has been denied that luxury - or even basic cable, for that matter - for well over a year… I have seen every episode of Ellen, The View, Oprah and Tyra Banks aired in the past 14 days.
The no external distractions part is mostly due to the fact that my mother lives in Trenton, Ontario, Canada… a gloomy, working class town of 18,000 that I, for 18 skin-thickening years, called home. So while the rest of the indieWIRE editorial team was living it up at Berlinale ‘09, I’ve been writing roundups from my childhood bed and making big social splashes at the local Wal-Mart and Blockbuster Video.
For the most part, I don’t even like leaving the comforts of my mom’s house for those basic necessities (at one point I didn’t go outside for five straight days). You usually run into an average of 17 people you knew from high school or some crappy job you had whenever you leave the house (or just have awkward run ins with scary, hick strangers… teenage boys here all have this “I’m gonna get drunk and fuck you up” look about them). Hibernation mode usually puts me in a really bad position to run into people from the past. You (or at least I), always want to make a good impression in these instances, but for the past two weeks I’ve worn a rotation of two hoodies and the same jeans every single day, haven’t shaved, and have rarely showered. I also get so used to complete solitude save for my mom, aunts and mailman, I lose any social abilities.
So when my mom and I went to the mall in the town next door and ran into my fourth grade teacher, it was really awkward. My mom answered the teacher’s questions about what I’ve been up to for the past 15 years for me with that slight, motherly exaggeration I assume is universal (“he just got his master’s degree, works for this company in New York, and is going to LA next week to cover the Oscars!”). I just made a noise at one point that was supposed to mean hello. The teacher looked at me, totally unshaven and unshowered, wearing a stained hoodie and smelling like god knows what, and probably assumed this was my mother’s ill-considered cover-up story for the fact that I had taken up heroin, gotten Hep C, gone insane, and had been forced by law to move back in with my mother.
Anyway, the fun’s over now. I’m clean-shaven and shower-fresh and ready to return to a more urban homelessness (for those counting, I’ve now been without an apartment for six months, one week and four days and now am certain that this is the optimal route for any recent college graduate facing the recession’d workforce). And after you spend two weeks at Sundance, facing 24/7 socializing, networking, moviegoing, partying, working, etc…, I highly recommend shutting yourself off from the world for an equal amount of time. I feel totally cleansed and adventurous now, and after 40 combined hours of Oprah, Ellen, The View and Tyra, I’m also returning to life with many tips on how to please my man, save on my grocery bill, and get that natural look from my coverup.
Even though there has been “it’s happening!” stories running every other week since the summer, apparently the Sex and the City sequel is 100% happening (as opposed to 98%). And I don’t blame them. When you make $400 million off an extended episode of a cable television series, you want to make more.
Details are pretty scarce. Mostly because Michael Patrick King hasn’t written script yet. But since one piece of info they did release is a Summer 2010 release date, Mr. King best be getting writing. What exactly he writes is a total mystery. The first time around, he simply repeated out plotlines - breaking up two couples that had broken up seventeen times in the series and spending the film reuniting them. What kind of unoriginality can he muster up this time? I mean, really, he could just break them all up again and the film will probably still make $400 million. But for all of us Sex and the City fans that were hoping for something more along the lines of the series’ creative peak (seasons 3-5, for me at least), hopefully Mr. King isn’t so lazy.
My suggestions to him in this regard:
1. Don’t write it, or at least don’t write it alone. Sex and the City the series was written by a great team of writers, and that collective creativity was what I assume brought it some of the charm that was lost in the film. Hire Cindy Chupack or Julie Rottenberg or Elisa Zuritsky or Jenny Bicks. Or all of them.
2. Please don’t kill anyone, or give anyone a terrible disease. The series did a great job at blending comedy and drama, but when the drama hit dramatic extremes (aka Samantha’s cancer), the comedy felt awkward and the drama over-the-top.
3. Actually make it about sex. Sure, in the first one you had Miranda bitching about not having any, and Samantha fantasizing about the neighbour, but it definitely took a back seat to breakup/makeup drama. These gals are in their mid 40s and mid 50s, and you have an audience that’s already coming no matter what you do. This is an opportunity to take some risks. Explore female sexuality at an age rarely explored this far in the mainstream… and explore it thoroughly. It’d be nice to have them all single again, or at least more than just Samantha. But if you decide to do this, please ensure the breakups have already occurred offscreen well before the story begins.
4. Give Charlotte a plot. Being worried about things being “too perfect” and pooping her pants is not a plot.
5. Don’t get so flashy with the fashion. I know fashion is a big part of SATC, but it doesn’t need to be so obvious. Shoe montages, throw-out-your-old-clothes fashion shows, actual fashion shows, constant fucking shrieking at the sight of any exorbitant article. Keep it down, it gives a unbearable shallowness to what was once just mildly shallow fun. Just make sure there’s a wide variety of fun clothes and shoes on the women and that’s all that’s really needed. Fashion can be a character on the shoe without it having lines.
6. Give secondary characters some half-decent screen time. And don’t write any new ones, you already enough to choose from. Jennifer Hudson, bless her, was a completely pointless addition to the film. She was basically there to provide the show with a black character, but having said character run Carrie’s errands and beg for shoes and Louis Vutton bags, it came across as a wee bit Driving Miss Carrie. And somehow JHud gets more screen time than Stanford, Anthony, Magda and whatever the hell Candice Bergen’s character’s name is combined. The gays and the old ladies deserve some script too, Mr. King. Be careful because before you know it, you’re going to be a combination of the two and this will come back to haunt you.
I’ve decided to spend two post-Sundance weeks hibernating at my mother’s house, attempting to relieve my body of the stress the Park City lifestyle placed on it by finally doing The Master Cleanse. I’ve been wanting to try it for a long while, but never really was given 10 full days where I’d be free enough from temptation to actually stand a chance. This, according to wikipedia, is the cleanse in brief:
The Master Cleanse claims to be a way to cleanse the body of toxins and remove the cravings associated with drugs, alcohol, tobacco, and eating junk food. “Coffee, tea, and various cola drinks, as habit-forming beverages, also lose their appeal through the marvels of the lemonade diet.” The cleanse involves drinking only lemonade made from fresh lemon or lime juice, Grade B maple syrup, water and Cayenne pepper. No solid food is eaten for the entire cleanse. The master cleanse is technically not a “fast” and proponents say it is more gentle on the body because it does contain some essential vitamins and minerals. According to proponents it is recommended to be on the cleanse for a minimum of ten days, but some people stay on the cleanse for longer periods of time, even as long as 45 days.
Since there is no intake of solid food, special precautions are taken to avoid constipation. Senna tea is taken every night, and in the morning warm saline is required. This passes through the digestive system extremely quickly, usually causing defecation in 30-60 minutes. It is essential to go off of the cleanse slowly. The lack of solid foods for such long periods requires careful breaking, as gut flora need to re-develop and mucus linings re-build. This usually involves drinking “full strength” juices for a day or two, while slowly adding in soups, then fruit, vegetables and nuts before resuming a regular diet. Some individuals have returned to their healthy diet the following day after stopping the program without any problems, but this is rare and not recommended, especially for first timers.
I’m trying to treat it like a science experiment, but fuck am I ever hungry. And you can’t smoke on it either.
And I know there’s a lot of skeptics out there… I’m still somewhat skeptical myself. But we’ll see in 9 days (if, of course, I make it), whether or not the cleanse’s proponents (many of whom are friends who’ve successfully lived to tell about it, and have nothing but good things to say) are full of shit. I, on the other hand, am not full of anything right now.
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