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Breck Eisner To Direct That 'Stretch Armstrong' Movie You're Waiting For

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by Kevin Jagernauth
July 11, 2012 12:21 PM
3 Comments
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Whoever wants a "Stretch Armstrong" movie, raise your hands! We're waiting....yeah....that's what we thought...nobody. While Universal paid millions to get our of their deal with Hasbro to make movies based on their toys, Relativity thinks that audiences will want to see a big screen take on the famed stretchy figure that mostly ends up in the back of closets, collecting dust, and forgotten about. And while their enthusiasm is admirable, they honestly could not pick a worse and less inspired choice to direct this thing.

Breck Eisner, the man behind forgetable fare "The Crazies" and "Sahara," is now in talks to helm "Stretch Armstrong." Bleh. At one time being positioned as a Taylor Lautner vehicle -- at least before "Abduction" came out and everyone realized he couldn't lead a movie -- the movie is now being positioned as a family film (makes sense), though no word yet on what the exact plot might be. Dean Georgaris ("The Manchurian Candidate" remake, "Lara Croft Tomb Raider: The Cradle Of Life") is writing the script, which should sound warning bells already.

With an April 11, 2014 release date stamped, we presume it won't be long before we start hearing more about this project, and more importantly, who will take on the lead role. Any suggestions?

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3 Comments

  • Jaime | July 11, 2012 10:30 PMReply

    Those are great points, F, very thought-provoking. You really have a take-no-prisoners attitude with received wisdom and whatnot. I like the cut of your jib. Never compromise.

  • f | July 11, 2012 2:46 PMReply

    why is the playlist even posting this shit? guy whos dad used to run disney has made unimaginative sluck previously, now is going to adapt kids toy from the early 90s into a summer dud... waste of time.

  • Jaime | July 11, 2012 12:39 PMReply

    I guess it's taken for granted that SAHARA and THE CRAZIES are "forgetable" [sic], and to top it off, he's the son of a famous media mogul type guy! Hissssss. But I think he's a really good director, with a sense of rhythm and composition that are rarely found in genre cinema these days. THE CRAZIES is really well-made and needs no apology; SAHARA is saddled with the "turkey" rep because it lost a ton of money and it has that globetrotting/clamshell VHS aura about it, and the truth is some of the cutting is pretty choppy. But it's got a lot going for it: a script that was *written* as opposed to assembled from spare parts from other action-adventure films, a strong, spirited cast (including the belatedly lauded McConaughey), and a refreshing sense of intelligent (as opposed to stupidly reflexive) self-awareness. Yeah yeah, Armond liked it, but broken clocks and all that.

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