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Coulson Lives In Lamest Way Possible In 'Agents Of S.H.I.E.L.D.'

by Drew Taylor
April 29, 2013 2:50 PM
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Clark Gregg Agent Coulson

There's been a lot of speculation as to how Agent Coulson (Clark Gregg) would be brought back for the new ABC series set within the Marvel Universe, "Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D." The series, which is being spearheaded by "Avengers" director Joss Whedon, but has yet to get an official green light from the network, would revive the Coulson character, last seen with a giant fucking spear through his chest in "The Avengers," and focus on the super-spy organization he works for. Well, details on how he will be resurrected have been revealed (supposedly) and a spoiler warning should be issued, along with a "prepared to be incredibly disappointed" warning.

According to Slashfilm, the pilot establishes that Nick Fury (Samuel L. Jackson) faked Coulson's death as an elaborate ruse to try and get the Avengers into action. (They are all superheroes, they probably would have defended the earth regardless.) Apparently, the Avengers "security clearance wasn't high enough." Fury secreted him away until the heat died down and as the series starts, Coulson is resuming his duties for S.H.I.E.L.D. Um. Okay.

As the Slashfilm report points out – it's not exactly clear how Loki turning him into a kebab didn't kill him for realz. The other thing is that wouldn't the Avengers become really pissed off at both S.H.I.E.L.D. specifically and humanity in general for being conned into battle? It's not like these guys aren't super powerful and could do tons of damage.

But what's most disappointing about this news (if indeed this does come to pass) is that it's pretty much the least creative way to bring back this character that you could imagine. These are characters who have magical abilities and unlimited technology and Coulson is being brought back by a lie? Especially after the "Coulson Lives" fan movement that sprang up this past summer? Woof. We wouldn't buy the second issue of that comic book.

An Agent Coulson-free "Iron Man 3" premieres this Friday.

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  • Just Grand | September 25, 2013 4:53 AMReply

    A very slow start to a series imo. After an alien invasion these 20+ plucky clones of the Buffy and Dollhouse (the techs and Angel and Faith clone) series are to be believed will handle some of the heavy work? Coulson seems to me in this series so far to be Gilles from Buffy. They humor is misplaced. But thats Whedon and his writers. None of the characters seemed absolutely bad ass interesting save Ming Na. Who knows? Crossing fingers here.

  • DFW | April 30, 2013 9:22 PMReply

    This is the standard fanon explanation. The theory appeared about 3 seconds after Loki stabbed Coulson. Not lame - already accepted.

  • Unova | May 19, 2013 5:45 AM

    Accepted my ass. Either he os a clone or this is just an ass-pull moment.

  • Rorelai | April 30, 2013 11:16 PM

    Booyah. It would be lame if they DIDN'T do this.

  • Washington | April 30, 2013 6:07 AMReply

    I thought it was painfully obvious this is what was actually going on in The Avengers until I saw the entire internet thought otherwise. Everyone really thought "they needed the push" was just referring to putting fake blood on baseball cards?

  • Tim | May 1, 2013 12:28 PM

    The point of having Nick going to the trouble of bloodying the cards was to show what a bastard Nick Fury is.

  • Washington | April 30, 2013 6:27 AM

    Like, if he really was dead, even after a really suspicious "off screen death" (only known to us through a character who is highly manipulative), why bother writing the whole bloodied baseball cards into the story at all, and not just write them in but write the fake blood into it too? Why not have just had them really be in his pocket? Why go to that trouble if he really was dead and not have them standing around his body or something? Being really dead should of been enough. If it was a lie it at least it makes sense to have something to help sell the lie. And the line about the how the cards were really in his locker and them "needing the push" is way less stupid if it's referring to more than just the cards. Really, that's what america's greatest heroes needed, baseball cards?

    And this is the Marvel Universe. This is probably the least ridiculous fake death the history of anything Marvel ever. You nerds are ridiculous.

  • Phat | April 30, 2013 4:01 AMReply

    Oh yeah. Having a semi-divine god of thunder who flies via hammer is perfectly normal but finding out that someone's death was faked is very lame.

    Nice logic.

  • Fritz | April 29, 2013 11:07 PMReply

    Really? You believe everything you read on the internet? While it may have a glimmer of truth to it, I doubt that Slashfilm's "scoop" is anything close to the complete story behind Coulson's return.

  • berk | April 29, 2013 10:27 PMReply

    There are a million ways to reverse or side-step death in Marvel Comics that simply making it a lie in the movies and tv is boring. The popular Life Model Decoy (LMD) look-alike android is one way or Nick Fury could have tank after tank of Agent Coulson clones ready every time he dies. Coulson could have been a founding member of SHIELD or a friend that Fury couldn't save to explain why he he gets a clone over anyone else.

  • Ace Paley | April 29, 2013 5:27 PMReply

    Why do they need this guy? There are a lot of other actors out there.

  • No | April 29, 2013 3:37 PMReply

    When I heard that the character was going to be brought back, I wondered how they were going to work this out. Well, I guess they hadn't.

  • Travis Hopson | April 29, 2013 3:13 PMReply

    It's so lame that I'm not convinced it's true. Believe it when I see it.

  • Intrinzington | April 29, 2013 3:11 PMReply

    The fact that they're backpedaling on his death is what's lame, not this specific explanation. If they used a device to reverse a de facto death, ala magic or tech as you're suggesting, wouldn't that eliminate stakes of any kind from this universe hereafter? (Granted this sort of does that, but at least a little less?)

    Also did this bother you when it happened to Commissioner Gordon? (It kind of bothered me.)

    How about Marion Ravenwood (not entirely the same but this kind of bothered me too).

    Or perhaps would the best route have been for this to be a prequel?

    Or maybe what we all really wanted was some promise that resurrection, in any form, will never be used again. Maybe your suggestion of magic could fit that somehow (the infinity gauntlet, let's say, can only resurrect ONCE, but eh that still feels arbitrary).

  • Tim | May 1, 2013 12:26 PM

    Why? They probably had no intention of taking his death back, until the film was the hit it turned out to be and a TV show was conceived after the fact. Then there was the fan love toward Coulson. Why not keep a now beloved character and give Clark Gregg work? He could become a GREAT character.

  • Alan B | April 30, 2013 4:35 AM

    "The fact that they're backpedaling on his death is what's lame, not this specific explanation." Bingo.

  • Tom | April 29, 2013 3:07 PMReply

    That's really lame.

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