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Watch: New Red Band Trailer For 'Hansel And Gretel: Witch Hunters' Reveals Another Crappy Looking January Movie

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by Rodrigo Perez
January 4, 2013 5:40 AM
6 Comments
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Aside from say, "Kill List" "Haywire," and to a more subjective extent "The Grey," good films are not meant to be released in January and 9.999999 times out 10 they are not. It's a dumping ground season for bad romantic comedies that have tested poorly ("Bride Wars"), lame spoof movies ("Meet the Spartans") horror-action dreck ("My Bloody Valentine 3D" and the like), wackjob oddities starring Nicolas Cage ("Season of the Witch") and whatever else needs to be released, but the studio has pretty much zero confidence in other than appealing to those that actively look at a bail-bond business rom-com starring Katherine Heigl and go, "Wow, that looks tremendous." And let's face it, January might be critical death, but it always does decent business at the box-office.

In recent years, studios have tried to change January (and its often terrible cousin mouth February) into a slightly more respectable season, by throwing shelved, delayed and unwanted stepchildren projects that once had heat/buzz on them into this frame (see "The Wolfman," "The Green Hornet," "Edge Of Darkness") and hoping they'll stick with audiences that actually paid money to see some of the aforementioned gash in the first graph.

2013 isn't much different. While Noreweigan director Tommy Wirkola earned a lot of plaudits for his 2009 zombie/nazis movie, "Dead Snow," his Engllish-language feature-length debut, "Hansel and Gretel Witch Hunters" has been delayed and then dumped despite the ostensibly good cast of Jeremy Renner, Gemma Arterton and Famke Janssen. Here's the synopsis:

After getting a taste for blood as children, Hansel (Jeremy Renner) and Gretel (Gemma Arterton) have become the ultimate vigilantes, hell bent on retribution. Now, unbeknownst to them, Hansel and Gretel have become the hunted, and must face an evil far greater than witches...their past.

So it already sounds and looks.... ungood and while the latest red-band trailer might appeal to fans of action, horror and gore, as well as filling out some of the backstory, there looks like there's no salvaging this one. Sporting some sort of modern steampunk fairytale vibe, "Hansel and Gretel Witch Hunters" also co-stars Peter Stormare, Zoe Bell and Thomas Mann. There will always be an optimist out there that goes, "C'mon, look at that cast, I bet the January release date has nothing to do with its quality," but history shows that it usually does. Beauty, we suppose is in the eye of the beholder, but we know a turkey when we see one.  "Hansel and Gretel Witch Hunters" is due January 25th. Watch the trailer below; in the latest annoying movie marketing technique, you have to verify your age with Facebook.

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6 Comments

  • TC Kirkham | January 5, 2013 8:38 AMReply

    The problem with a movie like "H&G:WH" is that it can't get a break. Period. Snooty reviewers and film pundits (Yes, that's YOU, Mr. Perez) automatically tag it to be horrible based on the title alone. Never mind that it has some great people in the cast, some interesting people behind it, and a pretty fun premise. Why does every film along this lines have to be shot down by the pundits and critics BEFORE they even get a look at it? That is why I find a critic like Roger Ebert tolerable - he grades films on what they're supposed to be much of the time. This films has NEVER pretended to be anything more than 100 minutes of action fluff designed to get the popcorn flowing, the blood and adrenaline pumping, and the people to laugh with (and at) and cheer for the heroes. Not every movie of this type is "The Avengers", nor should it be. What the heck is wrong with that? Nothing, that's what. Sure, I love the intellectual indie film most of the time, but I also love the occasional action film. This film has a winning combination for me in it's stars - Jeremy Renner, Famka Janssen, and Thomas Mann. I'll go to see these three people in nearly anything they do (hey, I even tackled the dreaded Fun Size for Mann - one of the most promising young actors on the scene today - and it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be or as every critic and pundit said it was...it was actually kinda fun...KINDA...). I rarely agree with most of mainstream critics and pundits about films like this. And I'm always willing to give moves like H&G: WH a chance...no matter what anyone else says. That way, if it's bad, I have no one to blame but myself for my visit to the theater to see it.

  • fhger | January 4, 2013 12:47 PMReply

    Hansel .. He is so hot right now

  • Mohammed | January 4, 2013 11:16 AMReply

    I know that some may like weird movies, but as a norwegian I must say that Dead Snow is still one of the worst movies and one of the worst comedical-horror films ever made. How the direcctor even got a chance to make another movie is a miracle.

  • j boner | January 4, 2013 11:13 AMReply

    i am a huge renner fan but this looks like shit, thank god he has james gray's next film and david o. russell next following this turd

  • Drew | January 4, 2013 10:27 AMReply

    Completely disagree with this cynical jumping-the-gun post. "Dead Snow" was known for being tongue in cheek and there's no question that is the tone of this new trailer. As a matter of fact, the vibe comes out even stronger than the first one. If the script works and the director executes, it is possible this may be a cheeky action flick. Indications from the trailer seem good, and I'll give it the benefit of the doubt until it opens and hear what people say. If it accomplishes what "Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter" set out to do and failed, but with the addition of the right snarky tone, that would be a huge accomplishment.

  • Ted | January 4, 2013 9:40 AMReply

    While I'm not excited, I have to say that trailer gave me a bit more confidence in the project, though not enough confidence to actually show up to the theater. I'll wait for the reviews of a dubious project like that before I waste two hours of my life. At times it seemed a bit campy, which is how you make a totally absurd script work. On some level, I blame Nolan. Nolan took Batman and did something realistic. His films were critically praised and made a ton of money. This led all of Hollywood to think you should take every absurd premise (and a billionaire crime fighter in a spandex bat suit is absurd!) and then go make a neorealist film. Hansel & Gretal going witch hunting … I can't even imagine a script that better screams campy. At least we saw some of that in the trailer, but from the looks of it it's going to be quasi-camp where it's neither serious enough nor funny enough - it just ends up sucking.

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