Happy Friday all, another week has gone by and another weekend is here with new releases for your eyeballs and eardrums (cause cinema is both audio and visual... get it.). There's a nice little salad bar of items to choose from, so just make sure you choose the right one and not a re-release of a bad movie in 3D. That's never the right choice.
Regular readers (no one) know that I am morally opposed to the rerelease of old films in 3D. What is the point!?!? 3D makes it WORSE. Ouch, my eyes. But...at least we all LIKED "Lion King" and "Beauty and the Beast" and "Titanic" when they actually came out (yo, "Titanic" is legit a good movie and I will defend it), but no one even liked "Star Wars Episode 1: The Phantom Menace" when it came out! Who wants to see JarJar Binks in 3D? No one, that's who. And, remember when Oscar winner Natalie Portman was literally THE WORST actress? Here is a friendly reminder. Whyyyy do you torment us, George Lucas?? Whyyy? Anyway, that's out this weekend, nerds. RT: 58% MC: 51
Oh dear, Channing Tatum and Rachel McAdams star in romantic amnesia drama "The Vow." Remember when I said "Big Miracle" sounded like a joke movie trailer last week? No? Well this sounds even more like a joke movie trailer. What parallel universe are we in that the joke movies are actually the ones getting made?! Did we flash-sideways like in "Lost"? Where are we that Channing Tatum stars with Rachel McAdams in a romantic drama about fucking amnesia and we have to watch "The Phantom Menace" AGAIN only more annoying this time?! Our review says the film "isn’t a failure because it will appeal to women who adore these types of movies, particularly those who drag their significant others to it as a Valentine’s Day date/punishment for being forced to watch the Super Bowl. However, those who expect to love it as much as “The Notebook” are better off staying home and watching their DVDs with a box of tissues and waterproof mascara." One bright spot: McAdams sports a crazy festival of wigs. RT: 29% MC: 45
Denzel Washington stars as a crazy, rogue CIA operative in "Safe House" with Ryan Reynolds. Directed by Daniel Espinosa, the film co-stars Brendan Gleeson (<3 u always), Sam Shepard, Vera Farmiga and Robert Patrick. Our review says the film has a "conventional, by-the-numbers dynamic and story, but a crackling, intense momentum and execution," and it "splits the difference between comfortably traditional and genuinely thrilling, leaving for an entertaining, but frequently overly familiar experience." This seems like one of your best bets for a wide release movie this week. RT: 53% MC: 52
Poland's Oscar nominated Foreign Language film "In Darkness" hits theaters this weekend, telling the story of a Polish sewer worker who risks his life to help Jewish refugees hiding from Nazis in the sewer system of Lvov during the Holocaust. Directed by Agnieszka Holland and starring Robert Wieckiewicz as the worker, our review says the film "film is extraordinarily generous with its characters in ways that take the story beyond being a historical fable of altruism and endurance," and it "doesn't let those on screen fall into easy divisions of savior and saved -- it allows its Jewish characters to be complex and imperfect, and clears plenty of space for its protagonist to grow and change without shunting aside the sometime terrible costs of his actions." RT: 88% MC: 69
Hungarian auteur Béla Tarr's latest (and possibly last?) effort "Turin Horse," opens this weekend. Concerning the story of the bleak and despairing lives of a man, his daughter, their horse, and a windstorm, our review says, "it's without a doubt a haunting picture that'll burn into your conscious. Quite unforgettable, whether you fancy it or not." RT: 84% MC: 76
Greta Gerwig stars in director Alison Bagnall's "The Dish and the Spoon," as a woman struggling with her relationship and finding solace in an unlikely comrade (Olly Alexander). Our review says it's "quite uneven; the craziness of its protagonist has a decent energy which is occasionally squandered when the narrative decides to meander. Still, it's an unoffensive film and has a few bright spots within." RT: 44% MC: 72
Oscar nominated animated feature "Chico and Rita" opens wide this week, offering up an adult-oriented animated tale about a Cuban man reflecting on his long lost love. Our review says the film is "a mere trifle of a movie, sugary and enjoyable to be sure, and we recommend it overall as such. But with so much potential squandered we can’t help but feel there’s a better film in there somewhere." RT: 95% MC: 79