By Ben Brock | The Playlist September 25, 2013 at 10:25AM
Sites like The Playlist exist for many reasons: but arguably, the most pressing of these reasons is so that the people who write for them can read and listen to the verbal outpourings of Kevin Smith and reduce them to something that normal civilians can absorb, consider and move on in less time than it would take to actually interface with Smith. No disrespect to Smith, who has endured far more than his fair share of disrespect, but seriously, the man never stops talking, and in amongst it is often some fairly interesting stuff. Here then is the latest dispatch from one of our operatives, with a hat tip to Horror Home Network for doing some of the heavy lifting.
First and most headline-grabbingly, “Clerks III” is still a thing that is happening. At some point. But it's not the next thing that Smith has going on: it has been postponed so he can instead get to work on a horror film called “Tusk” which grew out of one of Smith's podcasts and is based on an entirely genuine (though, presumably not serious) Gumtree advert posted a while ago, seeking a roommate who would be willing to dress and act like a walrus for two hours a day.
So, a wacky comedy about a walrus-loving flat-owner, eh? No. Smith podcast his way around the concept for a while until he “began reconstructing the whole thing as an old British Hammer horror film, in which a mad scientist intends to sew some hapless lodger into counterfeit blubber.” Ok, sure, that works. “Tusk” is ready to start shooting too, lensing at the end of October, and he'll be using Michael Parks, star of his controversial “Red State,” here to play the walrus-freak, with Justin Long as the man in the suit. And moreover, he'll turn around what he calls the "monster movie" fast.
" 'Tusk' is a moveable feast at like $2 million and change, so it was way more nimble to put that together. 'Tusk' was just something to do while waiting for news back on 'Clerks III.' Suddenly, people were like, 'Really? A human walrus? That sounds f–ked up.' It suddenly took pole position," he explained to EW. "Then I started going, 'Look, I do this, it’s going to make 'Clerks III' even easier to do. I can warm up for 'Clerks III.' It’s been a couple of years. Maybe I need some warmup pitches. But you definitely will see 'Tusk' before you’ll see 'Clerks III.' And if I have my way, you’ll see 'Tusk' up in Sundance in January."
What do you want from us?! Cogent commentary on this idea?! It isn't possible. It can't be done. It is what it is. Kevin Smith, Michael Parks, old school horror, walrus fixation. These are words that blow in like ash on the wind, signifying nothing but portending everything. Or something.
And finally, there's Smith on his old buddy Ben Affleck, whose old house Smith apparently lives in. And when asked about his thoughts on his pal wearing the cape and cowl for "Superman Vs. Batman," he reveals Affleck has been a longtime fan of the hero... and that he once basically built a batcave....
"One I know for a fact: the guys always wanted to play Batman. He loved Frank Miller’s 'Dark Knight Returns,' and one of the reasons he did 'Daredevil' was because [he thought] they were never going to do another Batman after the disastrous 'Batman & Robin.' So he was like, '[Daredevil] is the closest I’ll ever get to Dark Knight Returns.' He’s always wanted to play Batman," Smith explained.
"I live in Affleck’s old house, and he built a panic room and the entrance was built to look like a Batcave entrance," he continues. "It’s a bookcase that you click a button and the bookcase slides back. He’s the only guy I know that would go to do something like that. I asked him, 'What did that cost to do?' He was like, '50 thousand bucks.' I was like, 'Worth every f–king penny, man.' That’s amazing! If you’re going to have 'Pearl Harbor,' 'Armageddon' type money, build a f–king Batcave entrance in your house. So he’s always loved the character."
Hey Kev, how about some pics? Anyway, it looks like retirement isn't exactly coming soon for Smith, who continues to plug away on his own small projects, clearly moving wherever inspiration strikes him next.