Kicking this off, oh look there's LaBeef dodging some kind of robot smashy thingy or whatever in "Transformers: Dark of the Moon" which the filmmakers assure us will be better than "Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen." Of course, that's like telling us getting stabbed is better than getting shot so our expectations are low. Michael Bay will blow up your eyeballs on July 1st.
You've heard us gushing about this already so we'll keep this short: this movie is great. If the ensemble of Kristin Wiig, Maya Rudolph, Rose Byrne, Jill Clayburgh, Matthew Lucas, Chris O’Dowd, Ellie Kemper, Melissa McCarthy, Wendy McLendon-Covey and Jon Hamm doesn't have you convinced, then we just don't know what else to tell you at this point. "Bridesmaids" start celebrating on May 13th.
Well this is a weird way to give a first look to "Spy Kids 4: All the Time in the World" although maybe it's away to be appeal to the small, but oh so important Jessica-Alba-as-a-MILF fetishists out there? Anyway, the fourth installment in the long running franchise arrives later this year and it's a little bit of a reboot of sorts. Starring Jessica Alba and Joel McHale with Rowan Blanchard (TV’s “Dancelot Robot“) and Mason Cook (“Treasure Buddies“) stepping in as the newest titular spies and Antonio Banderas, Danny Trejo, Alexa Vega, Daryl Sabara and Jeremy Piven along for the ride, the picture essentially reboots the “Spy Kids” franchise. Alba plays a former agent whose kids are drawn into the action when Armageddon approaches.
Oh boy, another "Kung Fu Panda" movie. We might fall asleep so forgive us if suddenly......zzzzzzzzzzzz.....oh, shit, sorry about that. Anyway, the sequel to the animated hit is going to Cannes next month apparently giving organizers an excuse to put Angelina Jolie and Jack Black on the red carpet. This is the part where we'd tell you what it's about, but does it really matter? It opens May 26th.
Oh man, and speaking of not caring, there's "The Smurfs 3D." Here's to another childhood memory ruined. Everyone’s favorite blue-skinned communists are on the way and with a human cast featuring Neil Patrick Harris, Hank Azaria, Jayma Mays and Sofia Vergara and a voice cast featuring Katy Perry, Fred Armisen and George Lopez, there is no way this can get annoying or grating right? It lands on August 3rd.
With that family fuzziness out of the way, back to the real shit -- this time with Jason Bateman and Ryan Reynolds going all "Freaky Friday" on us in "The Change-Up." The film finds them playing two dudes -- one single and on the prowl, one married and cock-blocked -- who end up switching bodies "Source Code" style (but without the time limit) leading to R-rated shenanigans. The movie opens on August 5th.
Captain Jack Sparrow is back and in an effort to try and stuff in more in an already overstuffed series, there will be zombies, mermaids, Blackbeard and the Fountain of Youth to contend with. Basically, it's like "The Tree of Life" meets "The Fountain" but with more eyeliner and branded tubs of popcorn. "Pirates of The Caribbean: On Stranger Tides" hits the Cannes Film Festival next month before opening on May 20th.