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Peanut Gallery: Our 10 Best Commenters Of 2013

Features
by Katie Walsh
December 20, 2013 11:54 AM
16 Comments
  • |

Without our audience, we’d be writing in a vacuum, and may as well keep our thoughts contained in our private, extensive, often downright silly, probably libelous email chains. But that just wouldn’t make us what we are, and it’s really you, the readers, that keep this thing spinning. That doesn’t mean that it’s all sunshine and roses, and we’ve often grappled with some of the more mean-spirited and attention-seeking commenters out there (we’re looking at you, unnamed commenter, and the 750+ comments you’ve left on this blog, and even though you say you hate us, we think you actually loooovveee us), but the Best Comments of the year isn’t about celebrating the most prolific or prickly of our commenters, it’s about celebrating the ones that made us laugh, made us say “huh?” or just generally stunned us with weirdness (the best way to be stunned, naturally). 

There are the K-Stew-crazed, the trailer addicts, and our favorites, those who like to complain about our proofreading. (There’s a whole team of us out there, but sometimes we don’t get to things before you see them or we miss something. We're always on the lookout for new editors, though so if you have a passion for copy editing, and want to quit whining from the sidelines, let us know! You can start tomorrow!) It's become something of a tradition to share our favorite comments with you, so let’s get into the 3rd Annual Playlist Best Comments of the Year. We've ranked them (according to highly scientific criteria), so if you have any beef with that, or want to shout out your favorite comment or commenter, please do so in the ahem, comments. 

"Addict? You need to stop smoking all that crack yourself lol. You've got the wrong actress sweetie. Kristen is still a cutie and she is only addicted to her craft. Stay pressed!"

10. "TEAM EDWARDJACE" on "The Mortal Instruments." 
The comments sections of most (all) of our reviews of popular YA adaptation movies become what our editor Deb calls “a gathering place for crabby tweens sloppily typing on their ipads,” and “The Mortal Instruments” review was no different. This next one is long … but worth it.

guys to those who tihnks its tiwlights its not. i am a huge tmi fan and this is coming frome someone who has read both vooks and seen the movie today which was awesome and seen all the twiight movies. i loved it and i thinks lots of people may be converted at least for the movie , but may not read the books. this review i'm oaky with because it didn't aggrestively tear it apart. tmi is very plot and character drivenwith elemtns of everything. okay im 21 an icheered and awed and such during a[proate times . the fansgirls knew it wa time to be quier though i'm sure we all inwardly fangirling. eahc my friends who didn't read the books and is a guy enjoyed the film. young adults love it, teens love it, older peopled do . amle and feamles and some kids like d itwhich i don't havea problem with as longs as its not so kiddie. it got a really godo reception and was busy for a wed night so imagine the weekdd. also the cahnges were just awesome as the original way they were, the they chanced parts already there and extra bits they w added also were awesome. quotes from the books are in there including directs ones o r ones tht are simliars. also i would they stayed faithful wit the esscenc.e some parts were accelrated from the others books or kept but a bit shortened because nyou know it can't be 5 hours. i wish it was alittle longer and i loved it and it may have helped if the y had bit more an explanation, but i really don't have any majorc complaints or rather any in a way. though if you don't like ya, then or any roamnce really, (and the relationships are important part but not the only major think and the acting was great and it evoked postive emotinal postives and negatives ones but in a godo way. you feel for the charctes even my friend felt it for them at times and he didn't and he had his oh shit moments. by the way he can't stand twiligth. some of t tmi ahters i'm pissed at because they are so damn biased. it does help going with a fan so they explain things. also, it's a balnce of appeasing the fans and fans of the movie who didn't read the books and genral moviegoers. some changes made sense as awesome as the origna lw were of left in a way that you'll see it later in films and some of the orders of the scens got changed around but its npt a bad thing.

oh and the actors are really attractie but also great actors and people . and girls ,there's nothing wrong with enjoying a shirtless guy if its addds to thestory. i am sitten with the male and in way the female characters and the actors. also i think any similaires you may notice may beign to homage and utting a different twist or putting a twist you see in others things and in somes case real life.

If you can understand that, well, you should be happy about your mastery of semi-illiterate teenspeak, or worried you may have suffered a stroke.

9. "Love vs. Hate" on Kristen Stewart
Much like the inspired comments left by rabid RPatz fans (which continue to haunt our dreams, thanks), K-Stew also has her share of defenders. This short news post inspired 130 comments and counting, often disparaging the gal (she gets called a "mouth breather grumpy cat" and "Stoner dirty chick" LOL). But one of her defenders “Love vs. Hate” left a fantastic defense.

Addict? You need to stop smoking all that crack yourself lol. You've got the wrong actress sweetie. Kristen is still a cutie and she is only addicted to her craft. Stay pressed!

Stay pressed! You might one of the commenters we might actually want to hang with. Can we hang with you, “Love vs. Hate”? 

8. "Brick Tamlin" on the "Foxcatcher" Trailer
One of our new favorites is the guy who’s been posting full on shot-by-shot trailer descriptions of trailers that might get yanked. Not only is he (he? can it be a woman??) providing a CRUCIAL service, but he always posts under handles of "Breaking Bad" and "Anchorman" characters. Here’s one example from Gareth Edwards' "Godzilla" teaser, but in case you missed the “Foxcatcher” trailer, here he is working his magic.

TRAILER description

a helicopter lands outside a huge white house

carell -

do you have any idea who i am

why i asked you to come here today

tatum - No

carell -

i want to speak with you about your future

whay do you wnat to achieve Mark

tatum - i wanna be the the best in the world

carell -

i am a patriot

i want to see this country soar again

carell -

a coach is a father

a coach is a mentor

a coach has great power on an athletes life

cue quick shots of..

carell slaps tatum across the face

mark ruffalo takes aim with a hunting rifle with a scope

tatum hugs ruffalo

carell stares from the crowd

same kinda stare josh hartnett gave when sheen hugs pfeiffer in 'O'


shooting range

5 people

3 cops in grey uniforms

then steve carell in gymn clothes shooting a revolver

then another cop in grey


narration again

carell - we're gonna do great things Mark

tatum - I'll give you everything i have

steve carell walks into the gymn

where people (maybe includine tatum) are seated

and he has the same revolver in his hand


cue TITLE

END OF TRAILER

“same kinda stare josh hartnett gave when sheen hugs pfeiffer in 'O'”= Amazing. No joke, we'd read an entire blog of these. 

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16 Comments

  • Gerard Kennelly | January 2, 2014 4:11 PMReply

    http://www dot thehollywoodnews dot com/2014/01/01/first-trailer-for-all-star-le-carre-adaptation-a-most-wanted-man/

    A MOST WANTED MAN - Trailer Description
    group of people in a cold serious room
    philip seymour hoffman voiceover---
    you are looking at me at us
    but we dont exist not legally not officially
    because german intelligence gets the job done

    PSH again talking to tech people in front of bourne style screens
    we know this boy has friends...
    you do not escape russian security or a turkish prison without help
    whos helping him and why

    PSH voiceover ---
    our sources dont come to us we find them
    we become their friends
    their brothers, their fathers, their lovers if we have to
    we find out where they hurt
    and we pick at their wounds till they beg us to stop
    and when they are ours and only then..
    it takes a minnow to catch a barracuda
    a barricuda to catch a shark

    PSH says to willem dafoe --
    we have a job to do tommy
    youre going to help me do it

    dafoe responds--
    whats to stop me from just walking away from this
    whatever this is

    PSH voiceover---
    we watch
    we wait

    PSH says to rachel mcadams in a holding cell ---
    your choice is between us and nobody
    the clock is ticking

    robin wright as the CIA says to PSH --
    define for us.. what you think the long term objective would be

    PSH takes a puff of his cig and responds --
    to make the world a safer place... isn't that enough ?
    end of Trailer

  • Gerard Kennelly | January 2, 2014 4:03 PMReply

    GODZILLA TRAILER (that warner bros pulled) DESCRIPTION

    warner bros logo in manga lettering

    legendary logo in manga lettering

    black smoke
    crushed buildings
    deserted streets
    deserted cars

    cue voice over maybe the president (sounds kinda like chris cooper)

    YOU KNEW THE WORLD WOULD NOT BE THE SAME
    A FEW PEOPLE CRIED

    we see train deserted looks like something very big stood on it

    MOST PEOPLE WERE SILENT
    THEY REMEMBERED THE LINE FROM THE HINDU SCRIPTURE

    we see a building with a hole in it
    it looks like something very big walked straight through it

    VISHNU TAKES ON MULTI ARMED FORM

    we see several godzilla claws on ground as if dead

    AND SAYS

    we hear the godzilla scream
    sounds like the T Rex in jurassic park if guillermo del toro had directed

    NOW I AM BECOME DEATH THE DESTROYER OF WORLDS

    at exact 1 min 02 sec we hear a helicopter

    through 9/11 style white smoke we can make out godzilla moving

    the camera went up and at the very end we see its profile as it roared again

    fade to black

    G O D Z I L L A

    with the red japanese text behind the english

  • Gerard Kennelly aka brick tamlin | January 2, 2014 3:56 PMReply

    that is me

    i am the guy who’s been posting full on shot-by-shot trailer descriptions of trailers that might get yanked

    providing a CRUCIAL service ? LOL

    working my magic ? thanks very much :)

    https://www dot facebook dot com/gerard.kennelly

  • Katie Walsh | January 2, 2014 6:04 PM

    GERARD!!!!!!

  • Jake17 | December 22, 2013 10:30 AMReply

    "Hi my name is Claire lamb and the last time i ate a fish was two weeks ago i know i know hold your applause for later"

    This is so bizarrely funny and stupid it hurts. I love this site for so many reasons, and one of them is the great sense of humor you have about all these trolls. Keep up the good work.

  • Someone | December 22, 2013 8:05 AMReply

    ''girls ,there's nothing wrong with enjoying a shirtless guy if its addds to thestory'' I just lost it there. Truer words were never spoken.

  • Joshua Polanski | December 20, 2013 11:23 PMReply

    This is the exact reason why I adore this website. I think I will comment more often..

  • Piotr | December 21, 2013 9:17 PM

    I see what you did there.

  • Joshua Polanski | December 20, 2013 8:03 PMReply

    This is the exact reason why I adore this website. I think I will comment more often..

  • Frank | December 20, 2013 2:44 PMReply

    I should have been a shoe-in for number one for making Gilchrist cry but those comments got deleted :(

  • Alissa | December 20, 2013 2:04 PMReply

    How is Alan TrollB not on this list? He is here everyday crying and moaning about something. God, he desperately loves you guys so much.

  • Hannah | December 22, 2013 2:48 PM

    Man, he's gonna have a tantrum any minute now. Remember when he said all that weird stuff about… I don't wanna even repeat it, he's twisted.

  • Jake17 | December 22, 2013 10:19 AM

    They snubbed him just to piss him off a bit more...

  • Dale Earnhardt High School Junior | December 20, 2013 1:04 PMReply

    This New World Order stuff has to go. I know for a fact that Henry69 and Brent are both high level reptilian republicans working on a comment device that will spam blogs with Lutz-love and vitriol for all things humanity. Those little piggies eat up all the sweet treats and don't save any for the make a wishers. I thank god every day that Oscar the Grouch raped Patty LaBelle.

  • Katie Walsh | December 20, 2013 1:12 PM

    Excellently played.

  • benutty | December 20, 2013 12:03 PMReply

    I adore you guys. I wish you'd unblock me on twitter :((((((((((((

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