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Peanut Gallery: Our 10 Best Commenters Of 2013

Features
by Katie Walsh
December 20, 2013 11:54 AM
16 Comments
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7. "Joe" on The Worst Films of the Year ... So Far.
Of course, the “Worst Films of the Year… So Far” inspired a lot of intellectual debate about some of our controversial choices … NOT. It was a black hole of vitriol, “fucks,” and bad spelling. Playlister Chris Bell really rankled some with his choice of “The Place Beyond the Pines,” and that’s his opinion. A lot of you disagreed but that’s OKAY. Here’s one way “Joe” decided to voice his displeasure with Chris’ selection. 

that's that chris bell you are the human sheet

If Chris Bell is The Human Sheet, he’s Egyptian Cotton 1000-thread count, Joe!

This aggression against Chris Bell has continued to rage, endlessly entertaining us at Playlist HQ, but the culminating moment came on our "Underrated/Overrated" feature, care of "Bob": 

BOB | DECEMBER 17, 2013 3:57 PM

you are still a shit bell

CHRISTOPHER BELL | DECEMBER 17, 2013 5:30 PM

I will always remember you.

RP | DECEMBER 17, 2013 7:18 PM

Man, cue Sarah McLachlan and my tears and laughter.

Just beautiful. 

"Jennifer Lawrence actually died in 2011 in a boating accident and the new actress receiving all this acclaim is a clone."

6. "Farah X" on Jennifer Lawrence
You might remember when we used to get inundated with comments from Serge about Scarlett Johansson being stolen biological material (we can’t wait to hear what he thinks of “Her”), but it seems the clone conspiracy has moved onto another blonde starlet. “Farah X” tells us what’s up:

Jennifer Lawrence actually died in 2o11 in a boating accident and the new actress receiving all this acclaim is a clone. Bier is one of the few people who has become intimately close with this new clone.

Which makes no sense since the post is about Saoirse Ronan working with Susanne Bier … but no matter. Think Lawrence’s adorable, breath-mint-spilling awkwardness is genetically modified? She may be just too charming to be real.

5. "Brad" on Terrence Howard
We just really like this description of why “Brad” doesn’t like Terrence Howard.

Terrence Howard was one of the only things I didn't like about that movie. He reminds me of a smarmy guy that used to loiter by the basketball courts in the public park behind the high school. He would drop hints about having stuff for sale. Eventually it was too exhausting trying to ignore him so I found another place to shoot hoops. Perhaps the producers just wanted someplace else to shoot hoops.

Cool story, Brad! 

4. "Fast Sex" on "Furious 6" 
Who would have thought that someone who goes by the handle “FastSex” would have an appreciation for the production design of Jack Fisk? You all are a complicated bunch. Anyway, our friend here schooled us on what it takes to be true Americans. 

I really hope you bros aren't being sarcastic with this post. This movie is going to own and turn you Terry Malick fans into true Americans. Sure you can get deep about the meaning of love in war, the significance of space time in shaping our destiny, and get down with some sweet Fisk production design, but what you really need is some fast cars, babes, explosions, and Vin Diesel. USA!!!!

And you know what, you’re right, “FastSex,” “The Fast & the Furious 6,” did put some hair on our chests. We’ll never doubt you again. If only all comments ended with “USA!!!!” (RIP Paul Walker.)

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16 Comments

  • Gerard Kennelly | January 2, 2014 4:11 PMReply

    http://www dot thehollywoodnews dot com/2014/01/01/first-trailer-for-all-star-le-carre-adaptation-a-most-wanted-man/

    A MOST WANTED MAN - Trailer Description
    group of people in a cold serious room
    philip seymour hoffman voiceover---
    you are looking at me at us
    but we dont exist not legally not officially
    because german intelligence gets the job done

    PSH again talking to tech people in front of bourne style screens
    we know this boy has friends...
    you do not escape russian security or a turkish prison without help
    whos helping him and why

    PSH voiceover ---
    our sources dont come to us we find them
    we become their friends
    their brothers, their fathers, their lovers if we have to
    we find out where they hurt
    and we pick at their wounds till they beg us to stop
    and when they are ours and only then..
    it takes a minnow to catch a barracuda
    a barricuda to catch a shark

    PSH says to willem dafoe --
    we have a job to do tommy
    youre going to help me do it

    dafoe responds--
    whats to stop me from just walking away from this
    whatever this is

    PSH voiceover---
    we watch
    we wait

    PSH says to rachel mcadams in a holding cell ---
    your choice is between us and nobody
    the clock is ticking

    robin wright as the CIA says to PSH --
    define for us.. what you think the long term objective would be

    PSH takes a puff of his cig and responds --
    to make the world a safer place... isn't that enough ?
    end of Trailer

  • Gerard Kennelly | January 2, 2014 4:03 PMReply

    GODZILLA TRAILER (that warner bros pulled) DESCRIPTION

    warner bros logo in manga lettering

    legendary logo in manga lettering

    black smoke
    crushed buildings
    deserted streets
    deserted cars

    cue voice over maybe the president (sounds kinda like chris cooper)

    YOU KNEW THE WORLD WOULD NOT BE THE SAME
    A FEW PEOPLE CRIED

    we see train deserted looks like something very big stood on it

    MOST PEOPLE WERE SILENT
    THEY REMEMBERED THE LINE FROM THE HINDU SCRIPTURE

    we see a building with a hole in it
    it looks like something very big walked straight through it

    VISHNU TAKES ON MULTI ARMED FORM

    we see several godzilla claws on ground as if dead

    AND SAYS

    we hear the godzilla scream
    sounds like the T Rex in jurassic park if guillermo del toro had directed

    NOW I AM BECOME DEATH THE DESTROYER OF WORLDS

    at exact 1 min 02 sec we hear a helicopter

    through 9/11 style white smoke we can make out godzilla moving

    the camera went up and at the very end we see its profile as it roared again

    fade to black

    G O D Z I L L A

    with the red japanese text behind the english

  • Gerard Kennelly aka brick tamlin | January 2, 2014 3:56 PMReply

    that is me

    i am the guy who’s been posting full on shot-by-shot trailer descriptions of trailers that might get yanked

    providing a CRUCIAL service ? LOL

    working my magic ? thanks very much :)

    https://www dot facebook dot com/gerard.kennelly

  • Katie Walsh | January 2, 2014 6:04 PM

    GERARD!!!!!!

  • Jake17 | December 22, 2013 10:30 AMReply

    "Hi my name is Claire lamb and the last time i ate a fish was two weeks ago i know i know hold your applause for later"

    This is so bizarrely funny and stupid it hurts. I love this site for so many reasons, and one of them is the great sense of humor you have about all these trolls. Keep up the good work.

  • Someone | December 22, 2013 8:05 AMReply

    ''girls ,there's nothing wrong with enjoying a shirtless guy if its addds to thestory'' I just lost it there. Truer words were never spoken.

  • Joshua Polanski | December 20, 2013 11:23 PMReply

    This is the exact reason why I adore this website. I think I will comment more often..

  • Piotr | December 21, 2013 9:17 PM

    I see what you did there.

  • Joshua Polanski | December 20, 2013 8:03 PMReply

    This is the exact reason why I adore this website. I think I will comment more often..

  • Frank | December 20, 2013 2:44 PMReply

    I should have been a shoe-in for number one for making Gilchrist cry but those comments got deleted :(

  • Alissa | December 20, 2013 2:04 PMReply

    How is Alan TrollB not on this list? He is here everyday crying and moaning about something. God, he desperately loves you guys so much.

  • Hannah | December 22, 2013 2:48 PM

    Man, he's gonna have a tantrum any minute now. Remember when he said all that weird stuff about… I don't wanna even repeat it, he's twisted.

  • Jake17 | December 22, 2013 10:19 AM

    They snubbed him just to piss him off a bit more...

  • Dale Earnhardt High School Junior | December 20, 2013 1:04 PMReply

    This New World Order stuff has to go. I know for a fact that Henry69 and Brent are both high level reptilian republicans working on a comment device that will spam blogs with Lutz-love and vitriol for all things humanity. Those little piggies eat up all the sweet treats and don't save any for the make a wishers. I thank god every day that Oscar the Grouch raped Patty LaBelle.

  • Katie Walsh | December 20, 2013 1:12 PM

    Excellently played.

  • benutty | December 20, 2013 12:03 PMReply

    I adore you guys. I wish you'd unblock me on twitter :((((((((((((

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