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Watch: New Trailer For 'Battleship' From Hasbro The Company That Brought You 'Transformers'

by Kevin Jagernauth
December 9, 2011 2:04 PM
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So this is what $200 million dollars spent on a board game movie looks like, and despite all the cash thrown around, this new trailer for "Battleship" plays like a mashup of every blockbuster movie ever made.

Featuring alien ships and technology designs seemingly left over from "Halo" and "Transformers" (which Hasbro takes great pains to remind is also a thing they make), some J.J. Abrams style lens flare, "Independence Day" worthy AMERI-CUH bravado and Michael Bay stamped destruction, the only impression we're left with at the end of this trailer is: Rihanna is really the lead? Perhaps it speaks to her acting ability or the fact that maybe not that much acting is required that she is not the worst thing in is. But that dialogue doesn't get off so easy. "Who's next in charge?" "YOU ARE" (Shouldn't he know that as a naval officer?)

Loud, dumb and not very fun, we think a part of our brain just died. "Battleship" trailer is below and it will sink your multiplex on May 18, 2012.

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  • padre | December 9, 2011 5:06 PMReply

    My feminist awakening senses a conspiracy here! When it became apparent that Jonah Hex was going to bomb horribly, the marketing started playing up Megan Fox and downplaying Brolin, even though she is barely in it and he was the friggin star. Megan Fox was set up to take the fall for the movie bombing, while Brolin skated by untouched. The powers-that-be always sacrifice the female to save the male, because starlets are a dime a dozen, but leading men are priceless. If we are to believe this trailer, Rihanna is the star of this movie. Somehow I doubt that. She will take the fall when this bombs though. Rihanna's agent and manager need to be storming Uni offices right now, and throwing the biggest of all bitchfits. "You are not laying this turd on MY client! She isn't going to be quietly shafted like Megan Fox! We are taking all of you shits down with us!"

  • SHIPMATE | December 10, 2011 12:40 PM

    Rhianna is NOT the star of this film. Taylor Kitch is the lead with Alex Skarsgard and Brooklyn Decker...I repeat, not Rhianna. Rhianna is there to make her film debut in a smaller supporting role and to provide music for the soundtrack. My guess is that she's featured in the trailer - both at the insistence of her handlers as well as the studio - to generate buzz and to get butts in the theaters. She's an international superstar so why wouldn't they feature her? It's misleading advertising but hey, if it sells tickets, then why not?

  • KT | December 9, 2011 3:46 PMReply

    To be honest, seeing shit like this makes me wonder why the hell we're spending so much on movies depicting the human race's inferiority and not putting those dollars towards making more advanced weaponry... 'cause we continually write the blueprint for aliens to annihilate us...

    Amirite? Amirite?!?!?!

  • Shipmate | December 9, 2011 3:32 PMReply

    I spent nearly a year and a half working on this show and despite all the energy and hard work put into it by all, you still can't compensate for a problematic script. Was loads of fun to work on so I have high hopes but low expectations.

  • Chase | December 9, 2011 2:33 PMReply

    Is this a Halo movie? Transformers 4? Battle: Los Angles 2? I don't know. Things aren't looking too good for Taylor Kitsch. He might possibly have a Ryan Reynold's-type year for him coming up. Because from the looks of it, this and John Carter are not looking good...

  • kintaro.west | December 9, 2011 2:31 PMReply

    It's offical....your movie is total shit if you have a DUBSTEP track in your trailer....

  • Nolan | December 9, 2011 2:26 PMReply

    they may as well have called this "If You Saw Transformers Please, Please Please God Come and See This Too, You Have No Idea How Expensive It Was: The Movie."

  • James | December 12, 2011 12:50 PM

    Bravo Nolan. Bravo.

    Universal are obviously not one for learning lessons.

  • James | December 9, 2011 6:21 PM

    Lol! Too true.

  • Will Brandt | December 9, 2011 2:21 PMReply

    Brooklyn Decker is so gorgeous and sexy. She's a very talented fashion model and actress. She'll be wonderful in the film.

  • Ryan Sartor | December 9, 2011 2:34 PM

    I just almost fell out of my chair laughing.

  • The Playlist | December 9, 2011 2:26 PM


  • The Honey Swan | December 9, 2011 2:17 PMReply

    Universal Pictures should be firebombed. Despicable.

  • Runyon | December 9, 2011 2:15 PMReply

    Well, who the hell knows? Perhaps Rihanna will shock the world by pulling out her brilliance and skilful acting in this film that none of us know she has.

  • Imani | February 6, 2012 2:49 AM

    Rihanna is not the star of the movie she is just one of the characters in the film playing as a naval officer its sad how people want to hate on some celebrities, how about you do some research on the film more than say your negative remarks -_- but hey! its America freedom of speech so my only advice is if people want to be haters let them be haters.

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