Watch: The World Won't Save Itself In Trailer For 'G.I. Joe: Retaliation'

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by Kevin Jagernauth
December 12, 2011 8:28 PM
11 Comments

Okay, listen. We were totally ready to write this off as "G.I. Joe: Rise Of The Cobra" was a complete pile of shit. But goddamn it, enough of this trailer for the sequel "G.I. Joe: Retaliation" works that we're curious, with a very faint glimmer of optimism thrown in.

But let's get a few things out of the way. That electro/BRAAAM remix of the White Stripes tune is kind of the worst thing ever, and the basic plot looks like the writers just grabbed whatever was leftover from the "Mission: Impossible -- Ghost Protocol" and "The A-Team" script and patched it together. But then, Cobra unveils their banners on the White House followed by dudes fucking sword-fighting on the side of a mountain. Granted, it looks ~~totally ripped off~~ inspired by Tsui Hark's "Time & Tide" but the twelve year old in us thought that was fucking cool. And the character intro for Bruce Willis as General Joe Colton was pretty sweet too. Yes, we know -- this writer can't even believe he's writing this either.

But that said, Channing Tatum and Dwayne Johnson are already totally forgettable and we don't even know what this movie is about. SWORD FIGHTING ON MOUNTAINS. Okay, the end. Watch below; this thing opens on June 29, 2012.

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More: G.I. Joe 2

11 Comments

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scribe | December 14, 2011 4:08 PMReply

Shiny, a little sound stagey but with Bruce I'm in
padre | December 13, 2011 9:47 AMReply

YES! Every second The Rock is on screen is pure awesomeness and once again Bruce Willis killed it in his cool older dude role! OMG. Better than I could have ever dared hope for! And that almost Wonder Woman girl was hot and cool. But the icing on the cake is that this trailer seems to imply that mouth-breathing Tatum dies early in the film!!! OMG COULD THIS BE TRUE?!?! Tears of joy. This trailer is everything I could have hoped for and more!!!
[A] | December 13, 2011 9:44 AMReply

I'll keep a link to it for the times I can't sleep..
geha714 | December 13, 2011 9:40 AMReply

Who thought that the sequel of Rise of Cobra would look better than its predecessor? From the director of the Justin Bieber documentary? Reality is stranger than fiction.
Cobraverde | December 13, 2011 5:06 AMReply

This looks so cheap compared to the first one - which, despite loathing Stephen Sommer's aesthetics , I actually got a kick out of. And that Bruce Willis bit shoe-horned in at the end I suspect is how his presence in this movie will feel.
shark | December 13, 2011 3:52 AMReply

Dwayne Johnson...forgettable? What the heck? He's huge and badass and yet utterly charming and charismatic.
[A] | December 13, 2011 9:44 AM

Get out. Leave.
Cde. | December 13, 2011 1:10 AMReply

Looks like this has (gasp!) actually well directed action! In 2011! Who would have thought?
wray | December 12, 2011 9:45 PMReply

I don't think it's humanly possible to resist sword fighting on a mountain! I tried and I couldn't do it. I hope that's what the whole movie is.
bunty | December 12, 2011 8:37 PMReply

Well, it looks better than the first. Has Channing Tatum essentially been ousted as the lead from his own franchise? Disappears after the first bit, and Rock takes over. That has to smart.

Looks almost a reboot with the different cast and all that.
Gabe Toro | December 12, 2011 8:33 PMReply

And there go my nipples.