Man, what the hell did we just watch? The first teaser trailer for Andrew Stanton's "John Carter" has arrived and it's immaculately put together, features grand sweeping vistas and impressive special effects, is scored by Peter Gabriel's cover of Arcade Fire's "My Body Is A Cage" and we have no fucking clue what it's about.

The film is an adaptation of author Edgar Rice Burroughs’ “John Carter of Mars” book series about a Civil War soldier who is transported to Mars and embarks on alien adventures. Okay, fine. But the trailer makes no connection between the period setting open, in which our lead character's uncle dies and then the fantastical Mars stuff which looks pretty grand, but without context, comes off as a weird hybrid of "Harry Potter," "Immortals," and "Cowboys & Aliens." And while Taylor Kitsch, the film's lead, remains front and center, we don't see much of the rest of the extensive cast which includes Samantha Morton, Dominic West, Polly Walker, Willem Dafoe, Lynn Collins, Bryan Cranston, Ciaran Hinds, James Purefoy, Thomas Haden Church, Mark Strong and Daryl Sabara.

So yeah, we're intrigued but also confused. Looks great, but we'd like some of the filling too. "John Carter" will hit theaters on March 9, 2012. Check out the full trailer and synopsis below. The HD version arrives this afternoon on Apple. [YouTube]

John Carter is a sweeping action-adventure set on the mysterious and exotic planet of Barsoom (Mars). John Carter is based on a classic novel by Edgar Rice Burroughs, whose highly imaginative adventures served as inspiration for many filmmakers, both past and present. The film tells the story of war-weary, former military captain John Carter (Taylor Kitsch), who is inexplicably transported to Mars where he becomes reluctantly embroiled in a conflict of epic proportions amongst the inhabitants of the planet, including Tars Tarkas (Willem Dafoe) and the captivating Princess Dejah Thoris (Lynn Collins). In a world on the brink of collapse, Carter rediscovers his humanity when he realizes that the survival of Barsoom and its people rests in his hands.