The Reeler is shocked--SHOCKED!--to hear about Jennifer Lopez's latest travails in Mexico, where the Bronxette is shooting Bordertown for director Gregory Nava. Rumor has it that J-Lo is pissed off that Mexico is poor and dirty and that everybody laughs at her Uggs and that nobody will rent her a villa and nobody can find $10,000 a day for her hairdresser Oribe.

But wait: A quick bit of research determines that Lopez is producing the movie. A bit more research reveals that Lopez plays a journalist. So there must be some mix-up, because not only does Lopez hold the pursestrings, but everybody knows that journalists are biologically incapable of looking good.

Translation: Judith Miller of The New York Times uses only the finest hair care products when being held in contempt of court (Photo: AP)

And jeez, J-Lo, maybe nobody figured Oribe into the budget because they thought you fired his ass a long time ago. I mean, really!