Tennis sucks, Woody. When can we go to a Knicks game again? (Photo: BBC)

The imminent closure of the Beekman Theater has me kind of maudlin, especially when recalling the great scene in Annie Hall in which Alvy Singer spars uneasily with an autograph-seeking fan outside the theater while waiting to meet Annie. Losing the landmark sucks enough, but Variety reports that--gasp!--we could be losing the filmmaker as well?

"It's a treat to be filming in London again," Allen said. "The weather is overcast and rainy, and so I'm in heaven... I play a low-grade American entertainer, which is perfect for me because that's what I am."

Oh, Woody! Match Point is great and everything, but New York knows you too well to think you have succumbed to such moribund self-pity. And sure the English government is underwriting your films--but maybe the mayor will give you some tax breaks if you come back. And our tabloids are counting on your transgressions! We promise we don't hold Melinda and Melinda and your last decade of work against you! Please don't stay away for long!