I hope you don't mind, Sheldrake, but I had to clear space for my toothbrush. Former Vivendi Universal boss Messier

In today's Daily News, Joanna Molloy has the story of a New York movie critic who faces a year in the slam for stalking his ex-girlfriend. I did not even know critics had girlfriends to break up with, but evidently, Ain't It Cool's Michael Isbell--aka Mr. Sheldrake--was intimately involved with a fashion publicist who had been getting some on the side from none other than former Vivendi Universal mogul Jean-Marie Messier.

I do not generally believe everything I read in the gossip pages, but this seems to add up in a way: Messier is a cutthroat billionaire Frenchman, and Isbell is a critic and software designer--or at least he was until Wachovia canned him in response to his legal troubles. Messier ratcheted a utility company to global media prominence, while Isbell recently got a scoop on the Wallace and Gromit movie. If you were a NYC publicist, and you could only give your spare apartment key to one of these men, who would you choose?

Perhaps the real news here is that all those cute handles on Ain't it Cool might be pseudonyms. Is it true, Harry? The Reeler is crestfallen!