Loving it "uncut": IFC exec Evan Shapiro (Photo: IFC)

Sorry about the delays between posts today, but I'm trying to watch my favorite Robert Duvall film--The Apostle--before IFC pulls the plug on broadcasting the types of movies that have established it as one of cable TV's few watchable channels.

Oh, didn't you hear? IFC's new EVP/general manager Evan Shapiro has all kinds of fabulous insights today for indieWIRE's Eugene Hernandez, mostly compressed to pull-quote-friendly epiphanies about how IFC must evolve its "reputation for honesty and quality in (its) content." As in, "I used to be a marketer, and now, if you will excuse me, I have a respectable network to emasculate."

Click below for a few of Shapiro's OTHER timeless nuggets, followed by my best English translation.

--"The entire experience IFC delivers is designed by and for people who love film and want it without filters - unedited, uncensored and uncut. The network expands the definition of indie film by including classic works and new content that challenges the status quo."

TRANSLATION: Nobody actually watches IFC with the exception of a few pasty Brooklyn cineastes and Jon Favreau. That will change, however, as we hype more things that have nothing to do with actual independent film--cartoons, puppets and reality TV, for example.

--"We've designed IFC as tv 5.0 - the network for the PVR generation - and tv, uncut [IFC's new slogan] exemplifies this perfectly. ... We are film exhibitors - short form, long form, docs and narratives - who happen to use TV as our primary portal... At least for now."

TRANSLATION: Research has shown that most of our viewership TiVos us out of guilt and turns us on if they bring home a date. We are so fucking sophisticated. But not for long.

--"Niche is bullshit. ... You either have good programming, or you don't. ... Brand names defined by the quality of their content will be key. We are prepared for that shift - IFC [is] an indelible brand with a reputation for honesty and quality in our content."

TRANSLATION: Yes, Miss Secretary, I will see Henry Rollins now. Please hold my calls, and order a few more boxes of pink slips, if you don't mind.

--"TV, Uncut is our personality--great film in all shapes and sizes, uncut and unedited, without filter. ... Film is a broad genre, even indie film--how else can we put Freddy Krueger and The 400 Blows under one programming umbrella? What we CHOOSE to show and how, is the difference--it makes us Uncut."

TRANSLATION: Did I already use that "uncut" talking point? The one about the filters? Shit. OK, well, I know I didn't say anything yet about Truffaut, so, um... 400 Blows. Oh, man, this is easy! Um... John Sayles! Jim Jarmusch! Steven Soderbergh! Uncut! Uncut! Uncut!

There is more of this where that came from--check out Shapiro's trenchant "Captain's Blog" over at IFC. It speaks for itself.