Retirement means Army Archerd gets to spend more time on the Bronx Walk of Fame with wife Selma. Or not. (Photo: Variety)

Today's Variety reveals that the trade paper's legendary gossip Army Archerd is calling it quits after 52 years. The Bronx native—who you might remember tottering onto that borough's Walk of Fame in June—plans to call it a column on Sept. 1, after which time he will concentrate on writing his memoirs.

The Reeler congratulates Archerd on his storied career and all those great scoops over the years, the most notable being his sharing Rock Hudson's AIDS-ness with the world in 1985. But perhaps most remarkable among the list of achievements attributed to the 83-year-old writer is something I guess I and many of my colleagues should really take to heart:

Archerd belongs to the "three-dot school of journalism." One publicist summed up the attitude of many PR people in town when he said one line in Army was worth a longer story elsewhere: One might say he was Hollywood's first blogger.

Actually, um, one might not say that, but the comment is revealing either way. It is nice to see Variety attempt to inject some class into the blogging ranks, and I wonder if attributing such a distinction to Archerd might go some way toward helping legitimize the blogosphere. Because speaking for myself, at least, I have been praying for a wizened old patron saint for a long, long fucking time.

On the not-so-bright side, you have to wonder who at Variety decided to run what reads like a grim obituary as Archerd's retirement story. Even graduates of the "three-dot school of journalism" could see you just have to plug in an age, a cause of death and you are good to go (check out Archerd's survivors family even listed exhaustively at the end). I mean, was there nobody on staff who could draw up something fresh? Maybe get a quote or two from the story's subject? Just asking. At any rate, The Reeler sends its best wishes.

UPDATE (8/4/05): The Daily News' Rush and Molloy disclosed today that Variety editor Peter Bart plans to run Liz Smith's syndicated column starting in September. Everybody seems to stop just short of saying that Smith is replacing Archerd; in fact, Smith is playing it off as a triumph over the L.A. Times, which she says "butchered" her column before dropping it during her long-running snafu with its corporate cousin Newsday.

Ah, Liz--as always, your readers appreciate you being so straight with us. Next thing we know, we are going to find out your columns are ghost-written or something. Oh, wait.