Natasha Lyonne tries out her "Joan Crawford" persona--a starmaking blend of "Hollywood goddess" and "clinging-to-life ICU patient"

It is always nice to start out a new week at Reeler HQ with fresh lawsuit rumors, especially when they involve such quintessentially New York personalities as Joe Franklin and Natasha Lyonne.

Page Six reports that legendary talk-show host Franklin is just a tad peeved about Sarah Silverman's meandering contribution to The Aristrocrats, which Silverman closes with a straight-faced pronouncement that "Joe Franklin raped me." Yessir, rollicking shit, right there. Nevertheless, its obvious jokiness eludes Franklin, who alleges that filmmakers Paul Provenza and Penn Jillette "were setting (him) up" and that Provenza later thanked Franklin for being a good sport:

"If I decide to pursue a lawsuit, he'll see what a good sport I am," Franklin said. "I didn't like the nature of that wisecrack. Even though some people tell me I should be flattered and honored to be in that film, I just didn't like the nature of that wisecrack."

All right, all right, Joe—lighten up. And think how much worse it could be: You could be hospitalized actress Natasha Lyonne, who is convalescing at Beth Israel with what the Post claimed last week is a heart infection, a collapsed lung, hepatitis C and a fancy array of track marks. Lyonne's father Arnold Braunstein is seething about the paper's report, telling Rush and Molloy and anyone else who will listen that someone is going to pay for compromising his daughter's privacy:

"They broke the patient-doctor confidentiality rule … It's my child, my little girl. Why would someone do something like that?

"Be sure the hospital is going to be sued," Braunstein added, naming a figure of $180 million. "Natasha's basically a very kind, sensitive person. A lot of the stuff you see there is camouflage. It was a persona, her character."

Ah, yes. "Heroin-addled scab-model" is exactly the type of "persona" any 26-year-old actress would naturally go out of her way to cultivate. Look what it has done for her career! Besides all that, just think how much "camouflage" $180 million will buy! Parrrrrr-tay!