I know it is a little late in the day to be passing along tabloid gossip, but I had to stop and fill an antibiotics prescription before I could even contemplate—let alone write about—Matthew Modine's recent late-night phone call to Cindy Adams as relayed in today's Post:

Matthew Modine is my friend. I love Matthew Modine. However, I'm not sure I understand what he was saying when he rang the other 11 p.m., talked, then, after I went to sleep, called again to say more of what I don't understand.

We discussed his new TV show, The Bedford Diaries, which he said "is very sexy, and I play a sex professor who shares with his students explicit sex videos on the air."

Yeah, OK, I think I said.

Then, he said, at this same time he's out in the movie Mary. "An Abel Ferrara film we filmed on the isle of Patmos. To tell you the truth, I don't even know what Mary is about. I only know I'm playing Jesus. Not a Mel Gibson-type Jesus. A Jesus looking for the holy cup of St. John."

Yeah, OK, I think I said.

"Another film I made in Greece, Opa, shows this week at the Toronto Film Festival. And my book's out next month. And I just finished Kettle of Fish, playing someone invaded with the spirits of Gene Simmons, Cher and Steven Tyler. And there's the song by the girl band Pony Up, who want to do crazy sexual things to me and sing about performing a very specific special act on me, which is not something I think deejays will give much airtime. Also there's last weekend's No. 1 movie, Transporter 2, in which I play a drug czar."

Enough already, Matthew. Back to the heavy sex.

Good fucking Lord, Cindy! I love this little narrative experiment you have going here—I mean, your Elizabeth Taylor beauty-queen poll results may be authentic, but I will somersault through the subway if Modine actually uttered the phrase, "A Jesus looking for the holy cup of St. John."

But who is to say Adams does not have a tape recorder plugged into her bedside phone, especially for times when her "friend" Matt calls after hours? Memo to self: Must confirm with Modine at Apple Store in two weeks—and refill prescription.