Much to my disappointment, Reeler HQ experienced no catastrophic cable outages last weekend. As a result, I caught all 30 minutes of WNBC's pioneering new Saturday morning movie show, Reel Talk, which, paradoxically, seemed four or five times longer than it did last week. Anyhow, co-hosts Jeffrey Lyons and Alison Bailes shook some of the script-licking rigor mortis that plagued the show's Oct. 1 premiere, really getting into their lavish praise of Noah Baumbach's The Squid and the Whale and Curtis Hanson's In My Shoes while barely avoiding critical blows over The Prize Winner of Defiance, Ohio.

Meanwhile, Hollywood correspondent Ben Lyons actually corresponded from Hollywood, and the hosts treated viewers to a glimpse of Maria Bello's history of karaoke. Somebody saw my head off. God, I love this show.

10:01 Lyons and Bailes burst out of the gate with an energetic look at the Pacino/McConaughey gambling thriller Two For the Money, a dud that Bailes says features Pacino "phoning it in" and that Lyons dismisses for several reasons—not the least of which is inauthentic uniforms on its pro football teams. "I wonder why the NFL said no to this," he muses with that facetious, wide-eyed nod that I would call a "trademark" if it was not so "predictable."

10:03 Lyons and Bailes like In Her Shoes but agree it runs maybe 20-30 minutes too long. Bailes delivers the first of several refreshing backhands, explaining that she was pleasantly surprised to find that the film did not live down to her expectations of seeing a Nora Ephron film. Consensus: Curtis Hanson can do no wrong, and Cameron Diaz could be a leg model. Next!

10:05 The lightning round continues with The Squid and the Whale, which inspires Lyons to declare co-star Laura Linney "luminous" and himself "president of the Laura Linney Fan Club." Whoa! He won't soon forget this film, he says. High fucking praise, right there. Except THEN he calls the next film, The Prize Winner of Defiance, Ohio, one of the year's best films, and calls star Julianne Moore "luminous." Jesus! You would think this guy likes everything!

For her part, Bailes clearly cannot wait to get back to the IFC Center—she says her grandmother would barely like Prize Winner and signals to wardrobe to bring Lyons a new, dry pair of pants.

10:10 This week's trivia question: Which Oscar-winning actor turned down the role of Han Solo in Star Wars? Nope, not Ernest Borgnine, but Al Pacino. Ouch! My brain hurts!

Was Oscar-winner Harold Russell George Lucas' first choice for Han Solo?

10:14 The Reel Talk crew interviews History of Violence star Maria Bello, who used to earn money waiting tables and singing karaoke in New Jersey. Not only that, but Lyons adds that "Bello is an interesting person, having worked with kids in the Balkans and Chinese pandas." And David Cronenberg. Jesus—where do you go from there? To shoot with Oliver Stone, natch.

10:16 Vince Vaughn advises you that you are watching Reel Talk. Except you do not hear the words coming out of his mouth because he looks like he ate Andy Garcia, to whom the camera added 50 pounds at this time last week.

10:19 Lyons endorses "sword and sandal epic" Kingdom of Heaven as one of his DVD picks of the week. I always thought of the Crusades as being more of a "knights encased in chain mail and boots"-era, but maybe I take Monty Python too seriously. Either way, Lyons would know.

10:21 Now for my favorite segment of Reel Talk: Hollywood correspondent Ben Lyons strolls Venice Beach with a scad of film news barely fresher than beef jerky: Steve Carrell is going to be in the Bruce Almighty sequel; nearly everyone in The Italian Job is coming back for a sequel; Scorsese and DiCaprio are reteaming again for The Rise of Theodore Roosevelt; and Ben Affleck is going to play TV Superman George Reeves.

Someone back in New York wonders aloud if Ben Affleck will have blue hair. No, gang—just your viewers.

10:25 Big Lyons and Bailes get to their trenchant "Final Takes"—kind of the requisite critic-show bitch session that Reel Talk needs to push it over a .2 Nielsens share. Evidently, Lyons is really, really down on short actors working with tall actresses. His most conspicuous example is Sean Penn looking up to Nicole Kidman in The Interpreter. Can't these filmmakers put their leading men on a box, a la Alan Ladd?

Bailes, bless her heart, tells Lyons to get over it, but then regurgitates his beef from Week One: Moviegoers should quit talking as soon as the studio logo appears onscreen; after all, the opening credits are part of the movie, too. Which gets me thinking again: When have either of these two attended a public screening of anything—anywhere—recently enough to remember it, let alone complain about it? Do they mean critics are talking in press screenings? Scandalous, sure, but just crumple up the back page of your press kit and throw it at them. Works every time. At least, it did for me in that screening with Jeffrey Lyons. Or was it his son? Who knows—in the dark, all cats are gray.

10:28 Next Saturday, Lyons and Bailes will take on Elizabethtown and North Country, the latter of which has both critics suggesting star Charlize Theron might claim a second Oscar. Or at least an Oscar nomination, or an invitation to an Oscar party, or someone will say her name at an Oscar party, or something. I smell cliffhanger! Fuck. Does this mean I have to watch it?

RELATED:
'Reel Talk': Genre-Smashing New WNBC Show to Talk About Movies (9/29/05)
'Reel Talk': Landmark Critic Show Takes Flight, Crashes, Refuels for Saturday (10/3/05)