Carl Icahn gets out his sunglasses, soon to be followed by his machine gun (Photo: Bloomberg)

Everybody knew that when grumpy financier Carl Icahn started flexing the muscle his money bought at Time Warner, we would get some choice glimpses of coal shat into diamonds. The Reeler's favorite jewel thus far glimmered this week when media outlets published Icahn's call for new blood on TW's board of directors:

In an open letter to Time Warner shareholders, Icahn challenged past moves at Time Warner, from selling Warner Music Group and Comedy Central at discounted prices to the failure to acquire MGM, according to a filing with the Securities and Exchange Commission.

"Unless this legacy of poor decision-making is fully recognized and the Board is held accountable, the dismal record of mistakes and inaction will continue to the detriment of shareholders," the letter said.

All right, so the guy's got balls, bluster and billions. Big deal, right? Well, yeah, because now he also has a crystalline example of TW's complete fucked-itude: Check this week's Entertainment Weekly "Photo Issue" for a beautifully synergistic eight-page spread of Amy Sedaris in various stages of makeup-aided hamminess. The TW-owned magazine timed the pics in advance of Warner Independent's planned Oct. 21 release for the Strangers With Candy movie--you know, the one it paid $3 million for at Sundance?

Except now there is no Strangers With Candy movie, according to Variety:

Warner Independent Pictures won't release Strangers With Candy out of concern that the producers didn't secure all the needed rights, including for such items as posters and props.

Move comes as Warner Bros. Pictures regroups after being slapped with a $17.5 million rights judgment in connection with this summer's Dukes of Hazzard. Industry insiders say the studio is being extra-vigilant. ...

Both sides say the producers did secure the necessary clearances from Comedy Central. But WIP continued to insist that there were a number of other outstanding issues.

Which is all terrifically funny, especially since this move occurred in the same breath as TW's public response to Icahn--something along the lines of , "[TW brass is] pursuing a strategy that focuses on creating sustainable long-term value in all our businesses while optimizing our capital allocation and leverage."

And in a kind-of related note, beleaguered TW boss Dick Parsons now wants to bump India to the top of the list of exploitive Asian markets where TW can hemmorhage money next. Why not China? For starters, China has a big pirating problem, but also, as Parsons adds quite hilariously: "They could fall asleep on the switch and the Indians will go right by them."

Thank you, Dick. Now Carl Icahn and his hedge fund crew would like a word with you. Bring a box.