The Post's Web editors strike layout gold again

There was a while there when I was losing my faith in the New York Post as the trenchant oracle of NYC film gossip I had become accustomed to in recent months. Today, however, Page Six is back to stirring shit the way only it can--this time thankfully eschewing the hard numbers for a glimpse at a grumpy David Cronenberg:

A History of Violence director David Cronenberg could get violent with Million Dollar Baby writer Paul Haggis. The directorial dust-up? They both released movies titled Crash. ... Cronenberg told Fox News Channel's Bill McCuddy: "I thought it was very disrespectful, not just to me, but to J.G. Ballard who wrote the book Crash in 1973, which is very famous. In France, they refuse to call [Haggis' movie] Crash because they have reverence for that book and for my movie. They call it Collision. I think that their argument, that they couldn't think of another title, is a little bit bogus."

And when McCuddy asked the oddball director about a possible sitdown, Cronenberg said, "I don't know how I would react if I met Paul Haggis. He's also Canadian. You know, we're basically peaceful people, but there was the fur trade, and it got nasty."

"In France... they have reverence"? There goes Cronenberg's sympathy nod with about 500,000 Post readers, although it would be fun to see him and Haggis in a bareknuckle brawl, especially with their homeland's universal health care and everything.

Meanwhile, Liz Smith has Ang Lee's Brokeback Mountain kissing advice for Jake Gyllenhaal, not to mention a stream-of-consciousness recollection of her recent chat with Ralph Fiennes--he of the "pale, well-tended feet," "careless, sexy hair" and "sexy, thoughtful grin." Bouncing from his role in The Constant Gardener to the black-and-white lustre of Good Night, and Good Luck, Fiennes turns in an Oscar clip for Smith:

[We had] a lively and sobering discussion about what Clooney's movie means and where this country might be headed. "Things have changed so much since '94, when I first came over and did Quiz Show. I felt a lot of optimism here. Now . . . I don't know, people seem frightened, even in New York." He looked out onto rainy Bleecker Street and said, "I love this city . . . " and he let the thought stand, melancholic.

And just like that, the Post exceeds its daily liberal pussy quota by, like, a thousand percent. How can we visualize a Canadian heavyweight slap-fight when Ralph Fiennes is verklempt? I want my quarter back!