Come on out, George! Junket starts in five!

For a while there, if felt almost as if Matt Damon and I were NYC film soulmates--there was so much local chatter about The Departed, The Brothers Grimm and The Good Shepherd that I did not know if The Reeler would ever shake his withering appeal.

But little did I know that when I shook him like a sinus infection, he would scurry off to find another host. And worse yet, nobody could have known it would be Village Voice gossip tramp Michael Musto. I do not even know when was the last time I was in a room with the guy, but since last week, he has shown some fairly severe symptoms of Damonitis:

At Bronx Community College, they recently filmed a "Skull and Bones" fraternity initiation scene for The Good Shepherd, which is about the early (and apparently very earthy) days of the CIA. According to an extra, Matt Damon ended up in a giant pit of mud with five other actors, who dropped their flesh-colored thongs, though Matt discreetly (and probably contractually) kept his on. A high point came when Matt wrestled one of the naked men in the muck as the paid extras egged them on. When things couldn't get any more extraordinary, an assistant director yelled, "Cue the pee!"—no, I have no idea—which led to a yellowish flow from the rafters, complete with much behind-the-scenes fussing about the velocity and trajectory of the liquid (coming from plastic bottles, thankfully) onto the moshpit. I hear Bronx Community is now officially called Pee U.

Now, I admit that is not as bad as Ricky Martin yesterday putting the P back in "gossip". But as Musto notes THIS week, the dirty Yalie boy action did not stop there:

In yet one more switcheroo, I hear that in the currently filming The Good Shepherd, Matt Damon does a scene where he plays the buxom boat lady Buttercup in a Whiffenpoofs production of H.M.S. Pinafore. How perfect—Gilbert and Sullivan were the original Matt and Ben.

Oh, Jesus Christ. I may have gotten over Matt, but my bullshit detector is still not 100 percent. If this is true, I may have to go back to the Damon Daily; after all, you have no idea how hard it is for me ignore things like George Clooney grabbing the poor guy's ass at a Syriana junket. All these homoerotic CIA skyrockets are fucking with my Harvey Weinstein beat.