Are you going to tell Jessica Alba to get serious?

I used to think the only thing separating siren Jessica Alba from B-movie oblivion was her films' budgets. Sure, she is hot enough to buckle pavement, but if Into the Blue and Fantastic Four are not this year's Camp Tandem From Hell, then I am Armond White (but more on him later).

However, this week's "Stupid Questions" feature in Entertainment Weekly exposes even more of Alba's appeal--to wit, an unmistakeable whiff of ambivalence about her own sultry canon:

What about Dark Angel did you find more implausible — the fact that you played Max, a hot chick with genetically engineered superpowers, or the fact that you played Max, a hot chick who shared the same name as an old Jewish man?

A genetically engineered superhero is a little far-fetched. An old Jewish man is a bit more relatable. Long walks to school and the whole nine...

I never got around to seeing your 1998 kiddie comedy P.U.N.K.S. — which featured both a suit with supernatural powers and Randy Quaid — but can I assume that it kinda S.U.C.K.S.?

It was a job. You do what you gotta do.

In 2002, you ranked No. 6 in FHM's 100 Sexiest Women poll, while you placed No. 12 in Stuff's 102 Sexiest Women in the World issue. How tough was it to hold down both numbers at the same time?

I had to go to therapy, actually, because I had this weird identity thing. I mean, inside I felt like a 6 but outside I was clearly a 12, and I was trying to come to terms with it all.

Assuming it was not the World's 17th Most Witty Publicist just e-mailing back quick answers before lunch, I have to offer some credulous applause for Alba's hot, hot, self-effacing act. It really gives her half-naked work in films like Sin City an extra boost toward that second dimension she has been gunning for all these years, don't you think?