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THE PAPERBOY
Swampy, Southern, sweaty, socially divided and sex-mad summer
overstuffed
laughable images
a dead porcupine, bloated with rot in the sun
you cannot spoil what's already rancid
Efron
working his abs
sweaty and luxuriant
A dead possum
for symbolism, and stuff
Lurid, florid, humid, flaccid and insipid
grungy exploitation melodrama
appealingly rough and rasty texture
a tale of murder, idealistic journalism, warped sexual desires
gloriously grubby
A half-naked
Efron
risibly overheated
Southern pulp trash
sticky, sweaty atmosphere of delirium and sexual frustration
only partly excuses
the woozy ineptitude
In the summer of '69
An aging sexpot with a prison fetish
A vision in hot-pink lipstick
deliciously tacky
a woman of strange, even telekinetic talents
Crazy Southern gothic
bathed in blood, sweat, urine, mud and crocodile guts
possessed by the spirits
of blaxploitation
and "Baywatch"
Serious commitment to outright silliness
A hypersexualized cartoon
stench will always linger
on the filmographies of everyone involved
Craptastic work of
self-importance.
A heady, humid swamp fever rises
gripping, scary and queasily funny picture
a dark threat which lurks like one of its gators just below the surface
A blowsy, sexy and very unstable woman
a romantic
sheer auto-erotic potency of that sweaty, dangerous criminal
Efron
the sad, motherless boy
a haggard old dog
morally questionable and smug
a dud through and through
summer so hot that
Efron
must walk around
in tiny white briefs
gay interracial BDSM sex
results in the loss of an eye, Nicole Kidman peeing on Efron’s face
You leave the cinema
feeling almost overwhelmed
by the badness.
Efron
filmed adoringly
kitted out in the manner of a gay 70s pornstar
Strictly without merit
a laughable potboiler
a sorry, limp, bedraggled mess
so bad it’s bad
In the grand scheme
of dogs’ dinners
The Paperboy is a ten course canine tasting menu
with wine pairings.
Accidentally bad or deliberately camp
To find favour only amongst
connoisseurs of tat
Steams straight past authenticity
into the realms of bad pastiche
“If anyone is going to piss on that boy,
it’s going to be me."
7 Comments
rgm | May 30, 2012 12:19 PM
A virtuoso "review round-up" and perhaps the cleverest yet to appear on Indiewire. Certainly the most fun.
From Tokyo | May 28, 2012 3:01 PM
I appreciate the warning. For myself, controversy/graphic grittiness does NOT make me want to see a film. I'm not squeamish, nor am I a prude, but with over-the-top films the warning is enough, for what is seen cannot be unseen.
Elaine | May 27, 2012 12:48 AM
I dont understand why Daniels would put Zac Efron next to Nicole Kidman!! He is NOT there yet!
mary | May 25, 2012 4:20 PM
the critics make me want to see the film more !
plus the performances are always good in a daniel's film.....he has proven that in his past films.
you gotta give it to daniels...he's got the balls to be unique.....i am sick and tired of men in black, spiderman, star trek re-boots......my money is always for the unique.....good. bad or indifferent. BRAVO DANIELS !
MN | May 24, 2012 10:42 PM
Maybe the festival, think twice before selecting a movie with Efron and McConaughey just because of their abs and blue eyes at the next time, much less to compete for some award.
Jesse | May 24, 2012 7:16 PM
God article.
Any movie critic, who write that this movie is good, loses me as reader.
If a video that they used to promote that seemed ridiculous; made ââby a teenager with a photoshop, (using a juxtaposition with a image of Efron 'wanna be a magazine model', posing for a photo), imagine how bad must to be the movie.
rgm | May 24, 2012 5:58 PM
Brilliant fun.