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Satirical Article on Sharon Stone as Cannes Heist Robber is Taken Seriously

Photo of Anne Thompson and Maggie Lange By Anne Thompson and Maggie Lange | Thompson on Hollywood June 3, 2013 at 4:18AM

Earlier this weekend, Yahoo's front-page for their entertainment section featured the headline: "Sharon Stone Named Suspected in Cannes Jewel Heist." Below the headline, the credit goes to Variety. As an insanely juicy twist on the Cannes jewels heist, the news item was understandably given high billing in Yahoo's newsfeed scroll.
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Sharon Stone
Sharon Stone


"French police have named actress Sharon Stone as their prime suspect in the daring heist, in which more than $1.4 million in jewels were stolen from a hotel room during the Cannes Film Festival. According to authorities, they zeroed in on the "Basic Instinct" star as their prime suspect after an IMDb search helped them realize the actress hasn't been a movie star in almost a decade, which made her attendance at the Cannes Film Festival extremely suspicious, they noted.

"Sharon Stone's last starring role in a major theatrical release was in 2006's 'Basic Instinct 2,' which should have gone to straight-to-DVD anyway," a spokesperson for the Nice police told Hollywood & Swine. "So what possible business does Sharon Stone have attending the 2013 Cannes Film Festival other than to steal expensive jewels? No one including Ms. Stone has been able to give us a good answer."

When French detectives brought Stone in for questioning earlier today for her alleged involvement in the jewelry theft, she immediately began reciting popular lines from her infamous interrogation scene in 1992's "Basic Instinct." She then tried to intimidate detectives by uncrossing her legs, but officers explained to the Oscar-nommed actress that no one has wanted to see that since the '90s.

Stone reportedly told detectives she was at the festival to see her former co-star Michael Douglas' new Liberace biopic, "Behind the Candelabra." Detectives quickly dismissed this as an unlikely motive for traveling across the globe to France, when like most of America, Stone could have waited until the film premiered on HBO. Detectives believe what may help them prove Stone is responsible for the jewel heist is the actress's long and notorious history of theft. Detectives have numerous sworn affidavits by co-stars from her brief guest-starring stint on "Law & Order: SVU," where Stone is accused of trying to steal every scene she was in by overacting."



This article is related to: Variety , Yahoo!


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Thompson on Hollywood

Born and raised in Manhattan, Anne Thompson grew up going to the Thalia and The New Yorker and wound up at grad Cinema Studies at NYU. She worked at United Artists and Film Comment before heading west as that magazine's west coast editor. She wrote for the LA Weekly, Sight and Sound, Empire, The New York Times and Entertainment Weekly before serving as West Coast Editor of Premiere. She wrote for The Washington Post, The London Observer, Wired, More, and Vanity Fair, and did staff stints at The Hollywood Reporter and Variety. She eventually took her blog Thompson on Hollywood to Indiewire. She taught film criticism at USC Critical Studies, and continues to host the fall semester of “Sneak Previews” for UCLA Extension.