A Pathetic, Pathetic Old Man

By tully | "Boredom at Its Boredest" by Michael Tully May 26, 2006 at 6:29AM

A Pathetic, Pathetic Old Man
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So, my childhood buddy Jason Mecler decided to start an adult kickball league (F.A.C.K.A., which stands for Frederick Area Co-ED Kickball Association). I figured it would be a good excuse to be social, get some exercise, and have some fun.

After a week one rainout, last week brought the first set of games. Our team lost 19-0. It was pathetic. That said, all of my above goals were nonetheless met (I felt social, I got some exercise, and I had some fun). The only thing was that the balls we're using are deceptively dangerous. They look like typical rubber kickballs, only when you kick them, they feel like medicine balls. After last week's game, I limped home, my foot stinging, my ankle scraped and bloody. But that was nothing compared to this week's injury.

Tonight, my game wasn't until 8, but bro-in-law Eric's was at 6, so I showed up at 6:30 to show some support. When I got there, he was limping. Apparently, he pulled a quad in his right thigh while kicking. I couldn't help but laugh.

Cut to 8:05. Mike's at the plate. Mike swings. Mike makes contact. Mike feels a pop in his right thigh. Well, whaddya know, Mike pulls his quad too! (Meanwhile, Karma laughs and returns to watching "My Name is Earl"). Against my better judgment, I kicked again my next time up, and while I didn't destroy my leg, I definitely made it worse. Though it isn't wrecked completely, I'm still not looking forward to waking up tomorrow morning, and this renders driveway basketball (and tennis) a non-option for at least a few weeks.

The only saving grace--or is it?--is that THREE guys on the other team had the exact same thing happen to them. I fear that theirs were even worse. Seriously, these balls are dangerous. I don't get it. I might have to take off kicking next week, though I will certainly be back at shortstop, where I belong. We pulled out an 8-7 win tonight, which didn't make the pain go away, but it felt slightly better than losing 19-0.

Still, that doesn't hide the fact that next month I'll be thirty-two years old and I just pulled a quad playing fucking KICKBALL.

Hooray for me.

Sincerely,

Kareem Abdul Grandpa

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