To Whom It May Concern,
I know I'm being listed as a member (albeit offshootedly) of this fancy new "film movement" that's being talked about in at least 10% of the indie film blogosphere, and while many aspiring filmmakers would kill to be mentioned in the same breath as these 21st Century cinematic trendsetters (David Gordon Green, Joe Swanberg, Craig Zobel, The Duplass Brothers, etc.), I would like to state, for the record, that I want nothing to do with any of these wannabe-director bozos. UNSUBSCRIBE. Seriously. These people are not my friends, and I am not excited by their movies. I would rather watch "CSI: Des Moines" than sit through another self-absorbed, meandering, unfocused film by one of these male, heterosexual, Caucasian rich kids. The only reason I delivered such a ferociously heroic performance in QUIET CITY was because it was Aaron Katz's birthday. I mean, come on. Give me a break.
I am not a member of a movement. I am my very own movement. That movement is called TULLYVISION. I am currently working on a revolutionary 28-word manifesto, which will be posted on May 1st, when I return from my next festival jaunt. Of course, at these festivals I'm going to have to sit around and twiddle my thumbs while Swanberg and Zobel and Katz read printouts of the latest blog updates that talk about "how great they are." Believe me, I know what it's going to be like. I was at South by Southwest, remember? Here's a little tip to all of you writers out there who are trying to crack the code of this latest movement: THERE AIN'T NO CODE. THERE AIN'T NOTHIN'. The only filmmaker who is bringing anything worthwile to the table in America right now is M. Night Shyamalan. Without him, you could burn every other American film that's been made this century and nothing would be missed.
If anyone wants to join me at The Tullyvision Estates to see how one person can be so ferociously driven and breathtakingly bold, I am holding my first ever open house during Memorial Day weekend. It only costs $40,000 to attend, which is a steal if you know what's good for you. Fill out the sweepstakes form at www.tullyvision.com for a free pass into the greatest weekend of your life.
His Highestness, The Honorablest Michael "Tullyvision" Tully
(P.S. In all seriousness, I just watched Bryan Poyser's DEAR PILLOW tonight for the first time and it really blew me away. I think it's one of the finest examples of this recent wave of low-budget, festival-ready films that I've seen yet. It would actually make a great double-feature with Onur Tukel's awesome DING-A-LING-LESS, which features yet another unforgettable performance by the brilliant Robert Longstreet.)