Lately, I haven't felt creative. Perhaps it's the excessive viewing and writing I've been doing for Hammer to Nail, or perhaps I've reached a new phase in my life, but at the very moment, the compulsion to define myself through creative expression isn't as urgent as it used to be. I'm not sure why that is. Is it merely a temporary phase that will pass by this afternoon? Is it because I'm getting older? Is it because I've found the person I hope to share the rest of my life with? Who knows. I'm not saying that I never want to make another movie or write another song or act when someone asks me to or anything else one might deem 'creative.' I just feel like I'm maturing beyond the stage where I feel a burning compulsion to define myself through creative expression. For many of you out there, I'm sure this sounds like a concession of defeat and turns me into a Bland Man Living, but I'm more hopeful. I actually think this attitude will make me a happier person and might, in fact, lead to bigger and better creative things.
I suppose a major reason for my current self-evaluation is that past creative endeavors of mine are seeing the light of day this month. For about ten years, I've been writing and recording bedroom music under the moniker EncoprEsis, for purely therapeutic purposes. But for some reason, my cousin John has been kind enough to release my earliest collection of four-track pop ditties on his new label, Laredo Records, which you can listen to and buy here:
Actually, I feel silly recommending you buy an album of my own, so maybe you should buy these other Laredo Records releases instead:
The Grape Jelly Aesthetic will also be available on iTunes in a couple of days, which is an even funnier thought. While I haven't written a new song in many months, I look forward to the arrival of fall, for autumn is when I have tended to be the most musically productive. I'm not sure why that is, but history has proven it to be so. We'll see if things change this year.
As neat as it is to hold a legitimately pressed CD of my music in my hands, it's even more exciting to have recently received a promo copy of Silver Jew, which Drag City is releasing on September 23rd:
You can pre-order it here. (This one I feel less guilty about recommending you purchase, because it has nothing to do with me in a bigger sense.)
You know what? Maybe I'm being totally dishonest with this post and the real reason for it is that I am absolutely terrified at the prospect that I've lost my creative spark once and for all. I'm simply saying, "Look at me! I've made stuff! I'll make more! Really! I'm not finished yet!" Who knows. For now, I feel a strange sort of contentment that is unfamiliar to me. But I think I like it.
(Note: I might challenge myself this weekend to write and record a new song just to prove that it can still be done. Don't get your hopes up, kids, but I'll let you know how it goes.)