Funniest Bus Ride Ever

by tully
May 24, 2007 3:36 AM
14 Comments
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Who would have thought a Chinatown bus ride from NYC to Baltimore during rush hour could turn my foul mood all the way around? Maybe it hasn’t rejuvenated me completely, but something happened along the way this evening and now I feel like a completely different person. As recently as noon, I was feeling as confused, depressed, and frustrated as I have in… well, let’s not kid around here… since last month’s cycle of funk stunk up my spiritual bathroom. But now I feel much, much better. I don’t know if the following story justifies it completely, but it certainly helped.

I carried a ridiculous amount of luggage from my apartment to the bus depot in Chinatown this afternoon, which made for a grueling, awful, sweaty subway commute. But I at least made it onto a bus at four o’clock. However, getting out of the city was brutal. It took over an hour to break on through to the other side of the Lincoln Tunnel. After having a double-whammy repeat listen of both the new Wilco, SKY BLUE SKY, and the new Travis, THE BOY WITH NO NAME, only to discover that I might not dismiss and discard them as easily as I thought I was going to the first time around (much more so Wilco than Travis, which I think might actually be a keeper after an initially brutally harsh reaction to it), something quite magical happened. In the seat directly in front of me, a pretty young Russian/Polish teenager was having one of those absurd nap attacks where her head kept looping downward before a bump on the road would jerk her neck back into a proper sleeping position. I watched this like a frightened parent who was forced to watch their child climb a tree from afar. Though I sensed impending danger, I didn’t do anything to prevent it, for it wasn’t really my business. Seriously, what would I have said or done? But then, it finally happened. She conked out long enough for her forehead to drop in a rush and c-r-a-c-k the side of the window. But rather than wake up, she simply returned to her proper sleeping position. Less than a minute later, she did it again. While I could hear her forehead t-h-w-a-c-k the window over the music blaring in my ears, she still wouldn’t wake up. After this happened for the eighth time (I’m not exaggerating), I looked away to my left to keep from bursting into laughter, only to witness another even more dramatic episode of travel napping gone horrifically wrong. At the exact moment that I looked to my left, a pudgy white girl in the row directly across from me, who had gone into full sleep mode, shoes off and pajama pants on, literally tumbled off the seat and landed with a thud on the bus floor. Startled, she looked up and around, but I spun my head to the right and buried my face against the window, pretending to be asleep, in order to save her some embarrassment and prevent me from looking like a total asshole when I started laughing hysterically in her face.

Funniest bus ride ever? By golly, I think so!

There is a lesson to be learned in almost every situation and encounter, but this one was about as blatant as a near-death epiphany. That one-two punch of slapstick hilarity was the world telling me to stop whining like a baby and to instead open my eyes and appreciate the magical glory that is occurring in front of and around me at every waking moment. Of course, I’m only programmed to do this when my serotonin level is balanced and healthy, but I’ll take what I can get. Thank you, world, for reminding me that all of this is nothing more than a funny, irreverent joke, and should never be taken too seriously. (Note: Both girls appeared to be fine, so you can sleep peacefully tonight.)

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More: Miscellaneous

14 Comments

  • Anderson Smith | January 3, 2014 6:59 AMReply

    Super eminent! I got laughs after reading about the funniest bus ride. I had also gone with one of the funniest bus rides.

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  • JackWitson | November 24, 2013 11:59 PMReply

    Well, this is simply funniest bus ride I have read ever. similar incident was held with me as well, when I was in one of my trips.

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  • JackWitson | November 24, 2013 11:58 PMReply

    Well, this is simply funniest bus ride I have read ever. similar incident was held with me as well, when I was in one of my trips.

    coach to malacca

  • JackWitson | November 24, 2013 11:58 PMReply

    Well, this is simply funniest bus ride I have read ever. similar incident was held with me as well, when I was in one of my trips.

    coach to malacca

  • Laxmi | November 18, 2013 11:53 PMReply

    This blog gives me the inspiration I’ve been looking for! Nice piece of work. I’m glad I came by this blog on the web and thanks for sharing this bit.

  • kelly forester | June 19, 2007 11:33 AMReply

    ok, so my life is at a new low. i just realized that obviously i have nothing better to do than read your blog. god help me. haha. anyway, just had to tell you that this is by far the funniest thing i've heard lately. my favorite part is, "though i sensed danger."
    thank you, mike tully.

  • kelly forester | June 19, 2007 11:33 AMReply

    ok, so my life is at a new low. i just realized that obviously i have nothing better to do than read your blog. god help me. haha. anyway, just had to tell you that this is by far the funniest thing i've heard lately. my favorite part is, "though i sensed danger."
    thank you, mike tully.

  • nanc | May 28, 2007 2:46 AMReply

    so, you WERE here?

  • lou | May 27, 2007 4:27 AMReply

    this reminds me of an unfortunate trip i once took on a greyhound from new york to chapel hill. was sitting by this guy and his friend was sitting directly behind me. they were real gangsters. the guy next to me looked exactly like snoop dog. together i say they frightened me. snoop dog kept fucking with me the whole trip talking about how he and his friend just got out of prison. i tried to doze off when he started elbowing me in my ribs, over and over to the point i could no longer ignore. i tried to act like i was startled out of a deep sleep and turned quickly saying what is it?!

    i instantly knew!

    he was holding his big erect cock and saying "look at that"
    i almost hyperventilated in fear that these guys were going to kill me. when i finally got to my destination the guy says he wont let me off the bus till i give him $5.
    which i quickly pulled from my pocket and dropped in his lap.

    sorry i shared this. it was a really disturbing moment i felt like could only happen to me...

  • Mark Rabinowitz | May 24, 2007 11:18 AMReply

    "Closer" is a beautiful song.

  • Mark Rabinowitz | May 24, 2007 8:13 AMReply

    Brilliant story, Mike. I woke up to a horrible story from a friend, so a little levity is needed! I am loading the Travis into my iTunes as we speak. Also recently bought and enjoyed: Mika, Bosque Brown plays Mara Lee Miller, Au Revoir Simone and I finally heard the genius that is Jenny Lewis with the Watson Twins!

  • shannon | May 24, 2007 7:19 AMReply

    Sundance, 2002...

    I went outside to catch a bus back to the condo to hopefully run into someone else in the group and have dinner. The Sundance volunteer outside told me to wait inside and he would get me when the right bus came. Great service! The bus came and as I was walking toward it, the volunteer said “Why is it so dark?” The driver of the bus had all the interior lights out. There was no one else on the bus when I got on and the driver jumped off, calling over his shoulder that he would be right back. As the doors closed behind him, I looked down and looked up again to see the volunteer frantically waving his arms. It took me a second to realize that the BUS WAS MOVING!!!! I dashed into action, running to the driver’s seat, stomping on the floor to find the brake and inadvertently hitting the gas! By this time, the driver had his fingers wedged between the doors, running next to the bus, trying to pop them open. I had begun to steer because aside from the car parked 10 yards in front of me, there was a huge snow bank on my right. I kept expecting the driver to fall and me to run over him! Finally, the doors popped open and the driver pulled up the emergency brake button. We both fell forward and almost slammed into the windshield! I could barely hear his profuse apologies over my heart beating. Another volunteer came running out of the building and the first volunteer looked at him and calmly said, “You won’t believe what just happened.” I didn’t believe it either and for the rest of the ride, the driver nervously checked on my condition. By the time I got off the bus I was laughing. This could only happen to me.

  • randy | May 24, 2007 6:12 AMReply

    the new travis is surprisingly ok. or it's SURPRISINGLY OK!!! rather. my tepid thumbs-up is just that enthusiastic, mike.

  • Joe | May 24, 2007 4:20 AMReply

    I'm at work. In a foul mood. This made me laugh out loud. Thanks.