Jolie in 3D: The Verdict

By tully | "Boredom at Its Boredest" by Michael Tully December 3, 2007 at 10:40AM

Jolie in 3D: The Verdict
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Yes, I stayed up until four in the morning making t-shirts in preparation for this past Friday afternoon's field trip to Lincoln Square for BEOWULF in IMAX and 3D.

Yes, I was actually excited for this field trip, so much so that I don't dispute the claim that I said, "This is the greatest Friday afternoon ever!" while getting settled in my seat.

But then the movie started and that was pretty much that.

While I don't dispute the further claim that I said, "This is fucking A-MAZ-ING!" on several occasions during the trailer for the U2 concert film, and even the first five or so minutes of BEOWULF itself, I also don't dispute the claim that I actually drifted off to sleep midway through the movie.

If BEOWULF had been thirty minutes long and had simply been a showcase for the crazy 3D trickery, with action, action, and more action, I would be singing its praises. Instead, I am not. A nonexistent, bunk story is a nonexistent, bunk story, with or without snazzy 3D technology. For the record, I personally don't find Angelina Jolie appealing enough for her golden nudeness to have hypnotized me into slack-jawed submission. When I look at her I can't help but see Jon Voight, and while I think he's a terrific actor, he doesn't get my loins tingling.

Disheartened while leaving the theater, I made the troops rally to take a picture anyway, ordering us all to act as if we had yet to see the movie and were gliding on adrenaline in preparation for the awesomeness that was to come. While I don't think any of us will be winning an Oscar anytime soon (check that, Jacob's performance is pretty incredible!), I felt compelled to share this ridiculous image with the world.

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(From L-R: Michael Tully, Christof Gebert, Michael Lerman, and Jacob Craycroft.)

This article is related to: Film in General