By tully | "Boredom at Its Boredest" by Michael Tully September 12, 2004 at 3:42AM
Dear (Whatever Nickname Your Current Homeys Have Bestown Upon You),
You are a penis. Check that, you are an inflatable penis. You are not a filmmaker, you are not a 'provocateur,' you are not 'interesting,' you are not 'relevant,' you are not 'black.' You are a BOZO. I admire you for being able to convince people to give you money to make what are, when it comes down to it, embarrasingly shoddy, morally inept, truly awful film school (undergrad) 'exercises,' but that is all I can grant you. Here's some advice:
The only--and I mean only--chance you have of making a good film is if you place Mike Tyson in front of the camera for every single frame and let him do all the work. Otherwise, please stick to being a sleazy old schmuck on the street getting phone numbers of girls who would rather be sodomized by their own fathers than crawl into bed with you.