By tully | "Boredom at Its Boredest" by Michael Tully August 24, 2007 at 9:03AM


On the heels of Matt Dentler's post about the Google purchase of Mumblecore comes this exciting news. Once again, thanks to Todd Rohal for the heads up...

ASSOCIATED PRESS – MYRTLE BEACH, SC – Move over Planet Hollywood, there’s a new chef in town and it’s making stomachs rumble….or mumble, should we say?

Indie directors Joe Swanberg and Andrew Bujalski announced today that next year they’ll be opening a chain of Mumblecore-themed restaurants across the country, starting with the pilot franchise in Myrtle Beach, SC, placing it directly across the street from (and in direct competition with) restaurant heavyweights Planet Hollywood and Hard Rock Café.

Just down the street, at popular chain restaurant “ESPN Zone” workers seemed to welcome the competition, “I won’t start worrying until I see a menu,” said manager Pauly Sampson, “There’s only so much in a name, but the food is where you play the game.”

Sampson might have to wait just a little bit longer to start worrying. “Our menu will contain a few staples: The Swanburger, the mexican zest of the Mutual Appreciavos Rancheros, the Oven-Baked Bujalski and the locally-caught Deep-Fried Katzfish, but otherwise it’ll be a dining experience like no other,” said restaurant CEO and film producer Anish Savjani, “basically a patron will come to the table and give our waiter a bit of an outline of what kind of ingredients they’d like to eat, then it’ll be up to our chefs to “improvise” their meals. It’s a non-traditional form of dining.”

But that’s not all; posted all around the restaurant on over-sized computer screens will be constantly updated blogs, YouTube clips and select scenes from Mumblecore films. “You haven’t fully, or mutually, appreciated the ‘Mumblecore Tuna Salad’ until you’ve eaten one while watching Joe Swanberg jerk off on the toilet on a 57-inch plasma TV hanging above your table.”

Patrons are encouraged to bring new crushes, ex-boyfriends/girlfriends and potentially compatible co-workers in for a meal and begin their own bumbling, awkward conversations. “Everything that happens at your table is sent through an RSS feed directly to your website, so that others can be updated on the progress of your date…or even be watching it in a movie theater, as it happens,” Savjani explained, “your dining experience will become it’s own Mumblecore movie, which you can purchase on DVD or Digital Download at the conclusion of your meal.”

“Bullshit,” said Larry Cesare, manager of Myrtle Beach’s popular Planet Hollywood chain, “people aren’t interested in listening to one another talk at dinner…you can do that at home, for free. What our patrons want is good old-fashioned entertainment and movie props. They want to feel like Hollywood stars when they come in here and they’ll be treated like one as long as they stay. I wish them Mumblecore guys the best of luck, but it’s a hard business to be in. Planet Hollywood is here to stay.”

The Mumblecore restaurant will host “DIY Friday’s” each week, where patrons will be invited to bring their own ingredients, cook them themselves, serve their own meals and clean their own tables. “It’s an exciting time,” said Savjani, “not only for cinema, but for food as well.”

This article is related to: Indie Film