by tully
January 15, 2006 8:15 AM
  • |

but i don't care, i'm going to rise above it, i really am, i can't even burn a DVD of the movie anymore, all of the pieces that used to be in place for the trailer are off in the cosmos, nothing seems to be working, so i try to do some online banking as a minor distraction and that becomes an exercise in futility, the website is taunting me and not allowing me to log on, technology is ganging up on me to frustrate me into tears and aggression, but i have no tears and aggression to shed, i'm too tired from all of this fucking shit to get riled up, although that said completely shutting down is my own personal way of reacting, admittedly juvenile and silly but it's a way to protect myself from unleashing my own inner Hulk, because believe me i can get bulging and green, but i'm not going to do that because i don't want to, if Maryland playing like drugged wussies can't get me bothered then this can't, none of it matters, none of it at all, and so i think i'll go downstairs and watch football that i don't care about, which will only make me sadder to think back to the days when a San Diego Chargers loss could drive me into a fit of hysterical tears, and now i'm just numb, numb, numb, hiding behind the guise of a supremely detached monk, but that is a shamefully weak costume that i have no business wearing, i'm better off diving headfirst into a potentially drained pool and living life to the fullest, but right now i'm stuck in my bedroom, a 31-year-old "man" who lives with his parents and is as far away from having a girlfriend as a decomposed skeleton, in thousands of dollars of debt and without health insurance, waiting for something worse to happen, but instead it will just be more frustrated dabbling into these broken programs, i'm too stupid to figure out what's wrong, and all of this is just an even greater reminder that i'm blessed and fortunate and lucky but i'll never have it the way i want to have it, whatever the hell that means, don't ask me, i'm just the one making these idiotic declarations, and all i want is for my computer to feel the way it felt before i took it out of my bedroom on December 28th, i feel like it's completely out of my hands and no amount of fixing will get it back, but at least the master copy of the film is in Rotterdam and the guys have all the files in Wilmington, but it would be nice to have a finished trailer, and it would be nicer to have discs sent out to the people that are waiting for them, but that apparently isn't in the cards at the moment, so i'll just continue to dwindle away all of the film's potential momentum due to my supreme inability to understand anything other than the fact that i'm s-t-u-c-k in a major fucking r-u-t, and though it will pass like it always does, i'm still getting close to sticking my head in an oven or watching "American Idol" or guzzling Tanqueray but for now i'll just read and watch a movie and take several hundred deep breaths and try to figure it out in a few hours.

  • |


  • Sujewa Ekanayake | January 17, 2006 6:34 AMReply

    Dude, you got into Rotterdam! All is not lost.
    Looks like you made a good movie, even if for the moment your computer is not coorperating. Editing can be furstrating, here's a story:
    I had a screening to do w/ a 10 min rough cut segment of new flick on 12/1/05. about 30 mins away from the screening I tried to tape the flick from the computer to my miniDV cam, it did not work. So I was frustrated for a while, then I took the whole computer down to the screening venue and just played the movie off of the computer, on the computer's monitor. People were cool w/ it. It worked out - not in the ideal way, but it worked out. Try to relax & enjoy getting into Rotterdam. Looking forward to checking out yer movie. Good luck.

    Sujewa Ekanayake
    Director "Date Number One"

  • lou | January 16, 2006 3:21 AMReply

    chill out man.

    youre worrying me.

    call me.

    917 628 7764


  • david | January 15, 2006 9:27 AMReply

    do you have a webpage? i'd like to read more about your film. will it play soon in the states?