theworldhatesme

By tully | "Boredom at Its Boredest" by Michael Tully January 15, 2006 at 8:15AM

theworldhatesme
3

but i don't care, i'm going to rise above it, i really am, i can't even burn a DVD of the movie anymore, all of the pieces that used to be in place for the trailer are off in the cosmos, nothing seems to be working, so i try to do some online banking as a minor distraction and that becomes an exercise in futility, the website is taunting me and not allowing me to log on, technology is ganging up on me to frustrate me into tears and aggression, but i have no tears and aggression to shed, i'm too tired from all of this fucking shit to get riled up, although that said completely shutting down is my own personal way of reacting, admittedly juvenile and silly but it's a way to protect myself from unleashing my own inner Hulk, because believe me i can get bulging and green, but i'm not going to do that because i don't want to, if Maryland playing like drugged wussies can't get me bothered then this can't, none of it matters, none of it at all, and so i think i'll go downstairs and watch football that i don't care about, which will only make me sadder to think back to the days when a San Diego Chargers loss could drive me into a fit of hysterical tears, and now i'm just numb, numb, numb, hiding behind the guise of a supremely detached monk, but that is a shamefully weak costume that i have no business wearing, i'm better off diving headfirst into a potentially drained pool and living life to the fullest, but right now i'm stuck in my bedroom, a 31-year-old "man" who lives with his parents and is as far away from having a girlfriend as a decomposed skeleton, in thousands of dollars of debt and without health insurance, waiting for something worse to happen, but instead it will just be more frustrated dabbling into these broken programs, i'm too stupid to figure out what's wrong, and all of this is just an even greater reminder that i'm blessed and fortunate and lucky but i'll never have it the way i want to have it, whatever the hell that means, don't ask me, i'm just the one making these idiotic declarations, and all i want is for my computer to feel the way it felt before i took it out of my bedroom on December 28th, i feel like it's completely out of my hands and no amount of fixing will get it back, but at least the master copy of the film is in Rotterdam and the guys have all the files in Wilmington, but it would be nice to have a finished trailer, and it would be nicer to have discs sent out to the people that are waiting for them, but that apparently isn't in the cards at the moment, so i'll just continue to dwindle away all of the film's potential momentum due to my supreme inability to understand anything other than the fact that i'm s-t-u-c-k in a major fucking r-u-t, and though it will pass like it always does, i'm still getting close to sticking my head in an oven or watching "American Idol" or guzzling Tanqueray but for now i'll just read and watch a movie and take several hundred deep breaths and try to figure it out in a few hours.